My boyfriend(22m) does not know his best friend(30m) assaulted me(21f). I'm too scared to tell him.
*I made a brand new account to make this post, just to keep myself as anonymous as possible*
This has been heavy on my chest for over a year now, I have not shared this with my family, friends, or my boyfriend.
A year ago I moved in with my boyfriend, his best friend, and another mutual friend of ours. One night we all got blackout drunk and we all passed out in the livingroom, I woke up with his best friends hand in my underwear, I grabbed his wrist before anything further happened. He never did it to me again. I think my brain honestly shut the trauma aspect out, I just continued to treat this man like normal while deep down I slowly started to fall apart.
This guy has had "false" allegations in the past, I do not believe this. My boyfriend on the other hand does, his best friend will tell some sob story about how terrible his life is, how hes truly a victim, and how every woman hes ever met in his entire life has treated him horribly, which is why I think my boyfriend coddles him so much.
The most recent time we all went out as a group together I stayed sober for my own personal safety, this guy ended up getting so riled up he grabbed my face aggressively. I snapped, I screamed at this man to get away from me while my bf pushed him away. This cued the ugliest sobs I've ever heard come out of a grown mans mouth, I'm never the type to shame men for being emotional but this guy was weeping like a baby over something he did. My boyfriend spent the rest of the night trying to make sure this guy didn't off himself because he genuinely started to say that he was going to.
I'm scared to tell my boyfriend what happened the year before, I've been a victim of csa and it ended in me getting blamed both times (fucked up, I know). I've put on a mask towards this man so well that if I come out that he assaulted me then it'll make absolutely no sense and it may end in my boyfriend not believing me, this man is so emotionally dependent on my boyfriend, and my boyfriend feeds into it. I wish I would've said something sooner, I'm so ashamed that I've allowed myself to fall into a hole this deep. I either continue lying to my boyfriends face and act like nothing is wrong, or, I lose my boyfriend and all of our mutual friends. As for my family, they'd blame me regardless, so I dont even bother telling them anything.