I feel terrible for ghosting my old friend group, and now I feel like doing it again with my current friend
I’m 27 (F) and I ended up ghosting my old group of friends because over time I started feeling like I was only there for convenience.
For example, one of my guy friends (28), let's call him Brian would message our GC saying he’s free to party or chill, but somehow it almost always ended up being “my treat.” Even simple coffee runs turned into me paying for gas because I don’t have a car and they’d pick me up. Sometimes I’d ask to be paid back, but most of the time I let it go because I thought it wasn’t a big deal since we hung out twice a month.
To be fair, they weren’t bad people all the time. They were there for me when my mom passed away. They checked on me, came over to cook with me, and kept me company during a really hard time. That’s why I still feel guilty about cutting them off.
But things slowly changed. There were 5 of us in the GC, but usually only 3 of us actually hung out. One time Brian asked who was free, I replied yes, and he asked the other girl too, I call her Ashley. She said she wasn’t available, and after that he just stopped replying and left me hanging. It happened twice. I joked about it the first time, he made excuses, then it happened again.
What bothered me is that for the past 11 years he was perfectly fine hanging out one-on-one with me, but suddenly it felt like I was only included if the others came too.
Another thing: whenever we were deciding where to go, my suggestions were usually ignored while they picked the places they wanted. Ashley also borrowed money from me last August for an “emergency” and never paid me back. Meanwhile she’d post stories eating pizza with her boyfriend. She also had a habit of canceling plans last minute after I’d already gotten ready, and it happened so many times.
Eventually I left the GC and blocked all of them.
Now I have another friend (28), let's call her Cathy. I’ve known since 2022. She’s thoughtful in some ways and helped me during a time when I was broke, and I made sure to pay her back. But lately I’m starting to feel drained again for different reasons.
Whenever we hang out, I somehow end up paying for a lot of things. She randomly decides to come over without much notice, opens my fridge, checks my kitchen, borrows my stuff constantly (power bank, lipstick, hairspray, clothes, shoes, etc.), and honestly I hate people touching my things without asking.
I also work from home, and she’ll call me repeatedly during work hours or while I’m asleep. One time I checked my phone and saw 50 missed calls from her. I already told her to just text me first so I know what’s going on, but instead she’ll sometimes show up at my apartment during work hours just to use my wifi.
Now that I’m moving into a bigger apartment, she keeps saying she’ll come over even more often because there’s “more space” now.
The thing is, I’m a very introverted person. I genuinely enjoy being alone. I like shopping alone, eating alone, walking alone, and just having peace and privacy. I’m also very particular about my personal space and belongings. When she comes over, she leaves dishes behind, slams my fridge door, and overall it just makes me feel mentally exhausted.
I don’t think she’s trying to be malicious. Maybe she thinks she’s helping me because I live alone. But honestly, too much presence overwhelms me.
I don’t want to ghost her because I know how hurtful that can be, but I also don’t know how to calmly tell her that I need boundaries and space without offending her.
How do I say this in a kind but honest way?
**TL;DR;**