TW: mentions of suicide.
Hey.
I don’t know if I anyone recognizes me but I used to be on this subreddit all the time in middle school. I’m uncertain of why I stopped texting and chatting with people here. But I’m here now, 10th grade in high school. And I feel terrible.
My life is pretty rough right now. I’ve been having thoughts of suicide, feeling worthless, and feeling as if I don’t deserve anything in this life. I know it might sound cringe but it’s what I’ve been going through for nearly 2 years now. I have a girlfriend, only have been dating her for two months.
But I still feel like, unlovable, like as if I don’t deserve her and she deserves someone better. Which, she probably does. Because, she has her whole life ahead of her. She knows what she wants to do for college, she has a dream job, she has a job right now that pays good money.
Meanwhile, me, all I have done my entire life was play video games all day in my room, and watch TV and other things like that. Something about be 16, and still having no life goals, or anything I want to do in the future just feels so wrong at my age. I feel like I should have more in mind for the future instead of just nothing. By nothing, I mean nothing, like I don’t have any life goals, dream job, or anything like that. I’m doing decent in school I guess but that doesn’t really make me feel much better.
I want to do more but I feel worthless, I feel like I should kill myself instead of being so miserable and depressed all the time. My girl, knows I have depression but we don’t talk about it much and I don’t wanna be a burden to her so I rather keep it that way. But, honestly I feel like I’m failing everybody. Myself, my dad, my family, my sisters, my brother, my mom and everyone else around me. I need to be better but I can’t find nothing else to make me feel better about myself.
My mental health is getting worse and worse everyday and i feel like shit everyday and I lie to my girl and say “oh I’m fine.” When in reality, I’m really fucking tired of myself.
I should be better than this but I don’t know if I can be anymore.
The point of this post is, I’m asking for help. Practically begging for help. I need some words of advice to maybe put me in a better direction than what I have in mind. This may seem like a “I need attention to make me feel better!” post but really, I don’t give a fuck about attention, so do not think that. I’m genuinely on the brink of ending my own life and this is not a joke. Please, if someone or some people can give me some words of advice or something to push me in the right direction, I will appreciate it. Please.