Happy Reunion, Forward
I felt so stressed about this reunion. April was so heavy for me, but not because of the space-- mostly. My world flipped and our relationship, seeing it clearly, was a catalyst and a challenge. It was necessary and I feel changed. I feel different than I did, better. The ache isn't there, although there are remnants of confusion.
But now, I saw you the other day and I felt so stable in my choices. It was light, it was good to see you, and I left when I felt like it. Originally, I thought we might talk about it, that I would get all the answers to all the questions I had. Like why you treated me like that? I couldn't understand it for so long. But now, I don't really need to. Sure, it would be nice and it would teach me more about how you are, but I can live, happily, without it.
You seemed sad at moments. I didn't pry, I didn't want to. I felt nervous and sometimes I spoke too fast and it was kind of overwhelming. I think I was also a little scared that you would say something that would shatter the work I've done. But you didn't. And strangely, I got the sense that you were impressed by me. Almost like that feeling where you can tell that someone can feel how stable and secure you've become. It's not perfect, sure, but I'm getting there. What I'm doing is working.
I've realized how differently we function. And in realizing that, I've lost the attraction that I held briefly. It's so liberating. And it's not a dig toward you, you're beautiful. But your insecurity, how you convey it, isn't cute to me anymore. I want to laugh just writing that, it's like a weight has been lifted.
Now I get to find out what our connection looks like, new. Slow and steady, sweet and nostalgic, fun and light. I'm glad to be back, my friend.