I’m completely broken M(26)
I don’t even know how to write this post. I’m a very private person and usually try to navigate through life alone without asking for help.
But the past week has completely broken me as a person. I used to believe I could stay afloat through difficult situations, but now I’m just really, really tired.
A few days ago, the girl I was dating told me she was looking into other options and that we would have to let go of what we had planned together. I tried to take it positively and let it brush past me.
Later that same week, my grandfather had a health scare and was admitted to the hospital. A few days later, he passed away. He was the one person I spoke to every single day. He helped me through everything without hesitation and constantly motivated me to do my best in life. His absence is absolutely killing me.
The same day I cremated him and performed his last rites, I received an email saying that I had been laid off from work.
My job used to make me genuinely happy. It gave me purpose, positive reinforcement, and helped distract me from the hardships of life.
Now I seriously don’t know what to do anymore. The little things that used to keep me happy and sane listening to music, working out, spending time with close friends all feel meaningless.
There’s this constant heaviness in my chest. At night my heart races, I sweat constantly, and I can’t sleep. I can’t focus on anything around me. I just zone out while life keeps moving around me.
I’m not looking for sympathy from anyone. I just know that I’m sorry, and I’m very tired of feeling like this.