I've enjoyed the lifestyle for years as a single man, but last weekend I went to a club that allows single men with my fwb as my date. We're not in a relationship, but we went together as a couple. It's a trip seeing the other side of the lifestyle, and has given me perspective to keep in mind next time I go to an event as a single guy and am chatting with couples. Here's what I observed:
Simply by being part of a couple, it gave me more confidence.
I had a beautiful woman standing next to me who knew me and could attest to my character to the other people there. We were both each other's play partners and wingmen. It was a gamechanger!
Being the man in the couple means playing bodyguard when single men are allowed in the play area.
We met some great single guys who she enjoyed playing with. They were respectful and very eager to please. We also met some fucking weirdos who did not understand the concept of a personal bubble. There was one guy in particular, some Kevin Spacey looking motherfucker who didn't talk to anyone all night, who seemed to think if he got close enough his dick would magically end up in my fwb's mouth. I had to tell him off twice and report him to the venue hosts. In the play areas where single guys were allowed, I could not get hard because I was trying to watch out for threats to consent. I didn't struggle with any of that anxiety when we had visited a couples-only club a couple of weeks ago.
It's hard finding a four-way connection!
Recently I heard the saying "the real unicorns are the couples whom you're attracted to and are attracted to you". It's absolutely been my experience. Both at this club and at the couples-only club we attended recently. We've had to turn down opportunities with couples where I was attracted to the woman but my fwb wasn't attracted to the man. Nothing wrong with that on her part. She and I are both in good shape and we want to play with fellow hwp folks for the most part. Usually in the lifestyle there is a higher proportion of attractive women than men.
Having the option to play together or separate is freeing.
We made a point to spend time together and to look for play opportunities together, but at a couple of points it made sense for both of us to enjoy solo play with others while the other socialized/recovered. Near the end of the night, she played with a couple of single guys whom she built trust with, and they went to a playroom while I snacked and regained my strength.
It's important to check in with each other.
By nature, I'm a people pleaser. My fwb was very sweet and attentive to my needs. She was intentional to make sure I had time to relax after fending off some weirdos. We went to the couples only playroom, and I finally felt safe and got hard. We enjoyed some sweet, sensual sex and ended up playing with another couple we had met earlier. That was the highlight of my night.
Overall experience (as a man): more vigilance is necessary than if going single, but going as a couple is overall a way better experience! I would prefer to go to clubs where single guys are vetted.