r/Swingers

Background on us: we've been together for 3.5 years and have GREAT sex. We go for hours at a time and both orgasm numerous times.

We recently had our 4th mfm encounter. The first three were "meh" as the guys were just not a good match for us in the personality department. This all started because she wanted mff but it's basically impossible to find, so we tried mmf instead. During our most recent encounter things were different for her. We had a pretty big argument right before hand at which time I called it off. She insisted that since the guy traveled a long distance, we needed to continue. After he arrived, she began sucking his cock and was amazed by the size. I wasn't feeling the situation, so i went upstairs. She came upstairs after a short time and told me we needed to continue. I again said i wasn't into it at all, but she persisted and i gave in. The guy was not super attractive and was definitely not her type physically, but had an enormous dick. I'm above average, but he was huge, probably 9 inches. Anyway, she wasn't able to cum from sex with me at all but had no issues with him. There were numerous times he was in her for less than 10 seconds and she was cumming already. We talked about it after and she said it wasn't from his size, but just because the encounter was "hot". This doesn't make sense to me, because if it was just the encounter then I think she would have been cumming regardless of who was in her. She also did things that weren't necessarily off limits but that she had said prior that she wasn't going to do(kissing, eating ass, anal). I also got the feeling during the encounter that my presence wasn't important. She definitely focused on him the entire time. Having some trust and inadequacy issues now. Can anybody chime in on this?

Good evening all.

I’m a single guy in the lifestyle. I’m not a bull. I’m not the guy that sends a dick pic on any messages. I’m thoughtful, honest, compassionate and never pushy. I’m also not everyone’s cup of tea. That’s okay, and I’m happy with who I am.

A bit of background about me, I’ve not always been a single guy in the lifestyle. My wife and I are going through a divorce at the moment, and we had explored the lifestyle for some time. Just for any lack of confusion, the lifestyle wasn’t the reason for our breakup. I love the lifestyle, and so does she. We both still are happy to encourage each other. But no longer together. We don’t play together and we don’t visit clubs together. Our couple online profiles have been removed.

So with that background out of the way, I know first hand what it’s like to receive interest as a couple from a single male. I go to my local club in the UK, twice a week. I love it. I go there because I love the social side. I could go to a pub and not speak to a single soul, but when I’m a club I speak with everyone.

I never go to a club with any expectation other than hoping to make new friends and be social for the evening. Of course I’m never against playing but it’s secondary to me.

I’ve noticed an increasing amount of single guys that turn up, realise they are paying premium to enter and have a series of expectations. It ruins the vibe for everyone, and it gives us single guys a bad reputation. We’re not all bad. Some of the best nights I’ve had at the club were meeting some fellow single guys that I now class as close friends. It’s the select few that spoil it for everyone.

Some guys don’t get how a couple works. Some guys don’t understand the complexity or the nerves when you’re a newbie couple entering the lifestyle for the first time. It can be really nerve wracking for both of a couple.

I always enjoy having a drink with the fella of a new couple to help him catch a breath and (just as these single guys do) understand that the club scene is social first.

Anyway these are some of my observations. Perhaps though I’m doing things wrong, my online profile is less active than tumbleweed. But that’s okay, I much prefer meeting people in real life.

Recently start to reach out here on reddit or other apps to connect with same minded couple or female on the arabion region since we are there now

I found out every other couple or female tried to reach out either fake then disappeared or closed the chat or vanished. This thing really makes me questions my self is there sth wrong we do especially we verified our selves desent and not pushy at all

Important note they usually come to disappear when we ask for a voice call or even a video call to reach out more to get knowing each other more (the step comes after chatting for days not directly asked for)

From your experienced perspective is there sth wronge or there is such a system should be followed or we are not lucky because my wife start to get frustrated here

We usually finds some minded couples when we travel so not used for app reach out or matching

Thanks

We’ve been to Colette Dallas and are visiting Colette Austin in two weeks. We’re on Feeld with mixed results. We’re introverts to an extent, but would love to find a community. Any tips/tricks?

I’ve been wondering about this for a while, and I’m curious if anyone has any insight.
From what I’ve personally seen on lifestyle apps, websites, and at events, Black single men seem to be much more common than Black couples or Black women. I know this is just my own observation and may not reflect every community.
One thing I’ve wondered is whether some Black men are more interested in the lifestyle when they’re single, but are less likely to participate once they’re in a committed relationship. If that’s completely off base, I’d love to know why.
Is it cultural? A privacy issue? Different relationship dynamics? Or am I just seeing a skewed sample?
I’m genuinely interested in hearing respectful perspectives, especially from people with firsthand experience.

What’s a rule that’s nonnegotiable?

We see this on pretty much every profile on Kasidie where you can give someone a shout on their "Wall." Whenever a couple/solo male sees that another couple has viewed their profile, they'll go to that couple's profile and post a shout on their wall that says something like "Thanks for checking us out!" or "Thanks for stopping by!"

I guess I don't see the point in these little shoutouts and if they actually work or do anything? I feel like it's more personal to send them a DM and introduce themselves?

We are an ENM straight couple. We film ourselves and with others. However, we want to bring a guy into the bedroom to videotape us. The video is just for us.

Does anyone have experience doing this? I am quite sure we will have no problem finding a guy, but I wonder if it shouldn’t be just some random guy.

Equipment recommendations?

We want it to be a guy as it will drive wifey a bit wild being watched. Who knows? Maybe the cameraman would end up being the finale.

Hey all!
40s, divorced dad here. Educated, great career, good body, allegedly attractive... So where do I start looking for my future swinging partner?
In my 20s I was in the military and as some of you probably know there is a swinging community there. I was totally ignorant to that and was invited to join a couple at one point. It was fun! Then I went and married a total prude in my 30s stupidly... So here we are down the road a bit and I would like to make up for lost time. I am not a jealous kind of guy and really would enjoy finding someone who is into being a Hotwife, swinging or something along those lines... Advice appreciated...

I try to stay short. So, with my wife we are together since 2019. She is 26 and I am 28 years old. We are married for one year. At first she told me that mfm would make me unmanly in her eyes. Later she got interested in mfm but just as a fantasy. In the latest two years she told me she would like maybe but she isn certain about it. In the last one year she told me that she loves watching mfm porn, and we watched it sometimes while we had sex. She also masturbates to this kind of porn when she is alone. She started to suck my fingers during sex. Some days ago she told me that we should get a vibrator because she could suck my dick while I seduce her with the vibrator. She told me that now she would like a threesome but now only just as a phantasy. I don't know if we will ever have a real mfm threesome or not. What are your experiences? I will by a vibrator maybe later she will want a real second dick. 😅 When she sucks my fingers while I fuck her, she use to close her eyes. Sometimes I so hopeless that this stays as a phantasy, sometimes I am really hopeful. At a nutshell, we got from I wouldn't be manly in her eyes to she likes it in porn, she likes it as a phantasy and she wants a vibrator. What do you think what are our chances to get into mfm? What should I do to help her to live her phantasy? What are you experiences and advices? My dream would come true if I could see an other man fucking her while she sucks me. Also I love hotwifing, but it would be just a plus, I would be fully happy with just a basic mfm to be honest.

Good morning all you sexy peeps! We are going to plan a trip to one of the lifestyle resorts for our anniversary this year.
In everyone’s opinion, which would be best for an older couple in the scene? We are both 50, good looking and sexy..but not tight gym bodies anymore. We just want to make sure we find a place where we can stay in our lane and feel more comfortable with the crowd.

Hey everyone,

I'm curious about how you all navigate "the wild" (clubs, bars, resorts, etc.). How do you generally identify and reach out to other swingers in non-lifestyle settings? What are your go-to subtle clues or signals?

We had a funny experience a while back at a regular club in Bangalore (India). A couple approached us, invited us for drinks, and we hit it off with some casual conversation. After a bit, I just decided to throw a feeler out there and asked, "So, what are you guys into?" (I guessed they might be into it thinking why would any couple offer drink to another couple)

The guy gave a little wink and said, "Oh, we're into many things."

Taking the hint, I just asked them point-blank if they were swingers. They looked genuinely shocked that I called it out so directly, but smiled and said yes! It turned into a great night, but it made me realize how rare it is to just stumble into it like that.

Has anyone else had a similar experience where you reached out to someone—or got reached out to—in a completely vanilla setting? What gave it away for you?

Looking forward to hearing your stories and tips!

Recomendaciones de juegos de mesa o cartas, para animar el ambiente cuando se hace una quedada con amigos?
Obvio me refiero a juegos algo picantes. Mejor si son sutiles

I see these conflated all the time in conversations here and it’s become a bit of a pet peeve. If fitness is your thing - that’s fine. If thinness is your thing - that’s fine (to a point - anorexia no bueno!). If sexual stamina or big dicks or five hour fucking is your thing - also great! But realize that what you value / consider as a deal breaker in a sexual partner is probably going to vary on many different axes from other folks in the lifestyle and that’s ok! The fact that you don’t want to fuck someone doesn’t make them less, or a problem.

In my day job I’m a librarian, and one of our truisms is “Every Book Its Reader” - i.e not every book is for every reader, but every book has A reader. Same for swingers - you aren’t for everyone / not everyone is for you, but your partners are out there, and the rest are not there to offend, they’re looking for their people too.

(PS - I’m currently running six miles a day with 16 mile long runs, training for a marathon, so not writing this from a place of “laziness” - just tired of the judgementalism I constantly see here)

My wife and I are new and haven’t had any experiences yet. We had hit it off with a couple on an app who are also new but haven’t had a couple of experiences.

They reached out to us, are super flirty, we group chat back and forth but aren’t able to close the deal. They come across as very much wanting to but pull back when we try to set something up. The flirtatious chat is nice and all but we’re really too busy for just pen pals. Any advice on closing? Should we just leave this one alone and move on. What are people’s experiences with that. Thanks

I'll be taking a trip to Prague for the next weekend and would love to visit a swinger club. (have been multiple times at my hometown).

Unfortunately as far as I can tell it looks like almost all clubs have a no single men policy, or the one that doesn't is impossible to get into.

Anybody from Prague could suggest a club to visit?
Thanks.

My husband and I are both 44. Our current age range is 30–60. We originally had it set to 35–60, but lowered the minimum because we found that a lot of the couples we clicked with had men around our age or older, while the women were often in their early 30s.

Lately, though, we’ve had quite a bit of interest from women in their mid to late 20s. My husband wouldn’t have an issue with that, but I’m much more hesitant. It’s not that I doubt they’re adults capable of making their own decisions, I just can’t shake the feeling that such a big age gap makes us seem a bit creepy.

So far, we’ve politely declined, but I do wonder if I’m overthinking it. It’s my hang up rather than his, and I sometimes feel guilty that my discomfort is limiting opportunities for both of us.

I’d really like to hear from other people in their 40s. What’s your personal age range, and how do you decide where to draw the line? Is it about age, life stage, maturity, or something else entirely?

I’m single again and I’m getting back out there. It’s so fun to unicorn but it’s so lonely sometimes. What are your tips to protect your heart on your drive home after a good night?

We’re taking things slowly and want to make sure we’re realistic about what’s considered normal.
If we meet a respectful single male, is it common for couples to have boundaries such as:
● no intercourse,
● touching and oral only (if everyone is comfortable),
● with the husband present the entire time?

Do most single men at lifestyle clubs respect those boundaries, or do they typically expect intercourse if there’s any interaction? (But of course things can change depending on how comfortable is for wife)

We’re just trying to understand the etiquette and how common this is. We’d really appreciate hearing from both couples and respectful single males with real experience.

UPDATE: after reviewing some of your advices, is it common to find couple with female happy to watch? In our couple we want to try hotwife experience and husband wants to watch while wife can enjoy. We thought maybe it will be find to find reverse couple where female enjoys watching.

After doing a bit of searching here, I've not really found the info I'm looking for. We are set to go to our first hotel takeover in August and we are very excited! We decided to opt out of booking a room as we live 20 minutes away and husband is always sober for LS events (I anticipate regretting this decision later, but we shall see). We have tickets for both days. I'm a planner and like to be prepared.

So my questions:

• What exactly is included in that ticket? Like, can we enter after a certain time of day? They haven't released an itinerary yet, so I have idea what to expect.
• It says Friday night will be Meet n Greet and a mention of pool parties. I expect the lingerie side of things Saturday night, but what about the rest of the time, what are we wearing?
• Any tips or things you wish you knew going to your first takeover?

Edit to add: Specifically a Play Champagne takeover