u/cosmicbuddha89

As my wife and I have been fantasizing and planning when/where to attend our first party I am becoming increasingly convinced that she just wants to have experiences with other women. Below are some of the things I've noticed.

- She has openly expressed that she is attracted to women, and wants to have sex with a woman.

- she has told me she only masturbates to lesbian porn

- She has openly expressed that I'm really the only guy she's interested in, and playing with a solo male is off the table. She will only entertain the idea of another man if he is part of a couple.

- she has openly fantasized during sex and masturbation about going down on another woman, and the other woman going down on her, but has rarely ever mentioned me or another male when she is fantasizing on her own. On the few occasions she has added me or a male it has felt forced. Like she really has to think about what to say.

- when I ask what I'm doing during roleplay she usually says that I am touching her while she is going down on a woman or the woman is going down on her. I have NEVER been interacting with the imaginary third when she is fantasizing.

- she has openly played with a female friend over the last few years and loves it.

- last night while I was away for work she told me she masturbated while imaging someone going down on her while she ate a woman out. Not ME going down on her, or anyone specific. Just her and a woman clearly defined, and then a random imaginary third.

I brought all of this up to her last night, and how it seems the only consistent theme is that she is with a woman while everything else is a fuzzy detail that we will "figure out later".

She told me I am overthinking things, and that all those other details, particularly where I fit into all of this, would just fall into place once we got somewhere and she could feel the vibe. Meanwhile my brain has gone into full stop mode because I feel like she's only entertaining the lifestyle as a way to have experiences with other women, and there are better ways for us to let her explore that part of her if that's the case.

So am I overthinking, or would others have the same feeling I do?

I'm coming up on my 15th year with my wife and it has really sent me into a deep dive as to what has worked for us, what hasn't, and what I want to do better as a spouse moving forward. From this I think I've found some insight that others may find useful. Hopefully this information can be helpful for all, but in my particular circumstance this is what I have found as a 37m married to a 37f.

1. Be the reason her light shines brighter.

If you are a man married to a woman put on the song Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and listen to it on repeat until it is engrained in your soul. Your wife didn't marry you to be locked away from the joys in her life. She imagined you as a safe space from which she could continue to pursue the joys in life. Let her shine in all of her glory knowing that she can do so from the love and safety of your relationship. Make sure she is having nights out with her girlfriends, that she's wearing that gorgeous dress that makes her feel special, and that she is chasing her dreams, because if she's making herself small to fit into a box you've created for her then you are failing her.

2. LISTEN TO HER!!!

Your wife desperately wants to share things with you. How her day was, the latest juicy gossip, the details of her favorite show, or the big surprise twist in her favorite book. Put your damn phone down, look her in the eyes, and listen to every word she has to say. This stuff is meaningful to her and when you give it proper attention it makes her feel connected. You owe that to your spouse! My wife has been swept up by the ACOTAR craze like many women, and when I told her I was listening to it so I could share that with her she was ecstatic. Share your partners passions.

3. Be a safe space she can grow from

If she wants to pursue a new career or a new passion be her biggest supporter and help in any way you can. If she is on a fitness journey make sure you create the time and space she needs to pursue it while also being the safe person she needs who loves and supports her in every shape and size. Be her biggest cheerleader in her endeavors, and give her the confidence to chase her dreams knowing that even if she fails she has you to catch her.

4. Be her best friend

She imagined someone who made her feel safe, supported, and special. Be that person. Be her best friend and her biggest cheerleader.

The entire point of a relationship is to enhance each other's lives. When you got together neither of you thought "I sure can't wait to anchor each other down and be less happy". The whole point is to keep doing the things that made you happy while also finding new ways to add extra joy and excitement to each other's lives.

After 15 years together this is the best advice I can give. Be the reason your partner shines hotter and brighter than ever before.