u/waterbloem

Yesterday we visited a couple we've had 3 dates with before (2 kink parties, one club visit). We got back from holiday, figured we sort of missed them and decided to shoot them a message if they would like it if we would drop by for dinner and 'whatever else'. We match with them incredible well and just wanted to see them again.

We didn't expect them to have time on such a short notice but we got a very enthusiastic yes. We had dinner and went back to their home afterwards. We had no expectations; perhaps some hugging and kissing (they had to work the next day, me too).

The dinner was as if we've been friends for ages. Coffee back at their place turned into 4 hours of amazing chemistry in their jacuzzi. When we left, because it was getting really late, it was almost as if the 4 of us were 'in love' together.

The chemistry was insane. The other woman is incredibly beautiful. Curly dark hair and the bluest eyes. The moment we saw each other again, "it" was right there. And the same was true for my wife and the other husband. In addition; both women also spent more time connecting and the chemistry there was undeniably too.

We're not poly nor are we going to be. But while we were driving home late at night, we were talking about how this feels like an amazing deep connection with true friends (who've we only known for about half a year). And also that the vast majority of people (who are monogamous) will never ever experience this.

We only started 2 years ago, and our first full swap was just one year ago. Since then we've had ton of fun encounters. But the 2 couples and one single woman we've become very good friends with extremely good benefits with, are what we see as the biggest enrichment in our lives.

No judgement of course to the "just sex" people; we've done that too and it's a ton of fun. But being able to feel this 'at home' with another couple where somehow everything goes and then you leave feeling so connected, that's just next level for us.

Thanks for reading my post. I don't really have anywhere else to write this, so I hope this might inspire some ;)

TL;DR: Unless there's no other option; don't bother.

We (Dutch couple) happened to be in Amsterdam on Sunday with nothing better to do, and after all the visits to clubs like Fata Morgana and Fun4Two we figured we might as well switch it up and check out SamePlace.

Unlike other bigger clubs; SamePlace is just a small bar with a 'play' area to the side and another small playroom downstairs. So it's not really a 'club'. But I would argue that it's not really for 'swingers' either. The issue; it's almost entirely tourists.

We chatted with 2 foreign couples that absolutely were good looking. One of them the wife was completely stoned (doing the standard Amsterdam tour; get high and visit the RLD). The other were more sober. But for both of them this was the first time doing anything like this, and it became very clear they were both there to watch. Both left quite soon after ordering the required amount of drinks.

The couples that did actually have sex, only had sex between themselves. There was almost no interaction between couples. It was just a bunch of tourists looking for who dared to get (somewhat) naked and have sex in front of others. But literally no one there was making contact with other couples.

This also explains their weird low entrance fee but with a mandatory spend at the bar: that way they keep people inside for a bit. Otherwise people would just get in, go downstairs to watch people fuck for 5 minutes, and leave again.

Was it a bad experience? Absolutely not. We enjoyed being watched. The staff was very nice and friendly. Was it somewhere we're going to go again; absolutely not. It's a completely different vibe from a real swinger's club. So if you're a tourist for who watching others having sex is already a big step; this is a great place to go. Are you a somewhat experienced swinger; go for the actual swinger clubs.

For some reason, a whole bunch of topics from couples I read today, all can be answered the same way: "Set your own standards". So I felt compelled to write this :)

Some guy proclaims his love at you and get whiny if you play with others? Not up to par. Single dude acts anti-social? Next. People don't know what consent means? Might want to change to a different club. Someone ghosts you? Block his ass.

You're an established couple. You have a relationship. The sexy swinger stuff is just a nice added bonus. Part of being a swinger is meeting a lot of couples (or singles) to find the few diamonds in the rough that are so much fun there will be repeat dates. That's both fun (you get to meet people) and also a bit scary (quite a few will reject you).

You will also meet a lot of people there's simply something wrong with. In some cases it's clear from the start. Other moments what initially looks like a great match turns out to be a dud. Some people clearly have unresolved trauma and can act weird or respond poorly to situations normal people have no issues with.

But what it should not be, is you as a couple stooping to their level. You together need to set your standards and stick to it. A lot of people are not going to meet those standards you set. And that's fine. You get to meet more people until you find someone who does. But that also means you don't get hung up on the bad ones, since that's just a complete waste of time and energy.

So stick to your guns regarding what you're looking for in people. If they don't meet that bar, that's a "them" problem.

The general advice is to not swap with friends. We did it anyway, and I want to explain why this is a great rule even if it works out well.

So we've been friends for a while with two people who are in a FWB situation. We go to raves, kinky parties, etc. with them. We vibe well with them, and last weekend we went to a kinky party and later did an after at his place. It was fun and hot and everyone had a great time.

But it's the exact same thing as with the other swinger couples we know. It's not "better" or "safer" because we've known them for a while. For us this was a deliberate exception to the rule, for the most part simply because we have experience, they have experience, and we know exactly what to expect with them.

So the bottom line: don't fuck your friends is a great rule! The few exceptions (like ours) to this rule, don't make it less true. Fucking your friends is, at the very best, just as fun as fucking a swinger couple. At worst it goes wrong, it gets awkward to the level that you can't be friends any more, and you've lost lifelong friends for an evening of mediocre sex.