I have PTSD from being raped five years ago. I’ve been doing therapy consistently for three years now. I have done the CPT. I take the meds. I do the grounding. I’m doing everything right. I still had bad days (especially around the anniversary of it) but overall I was doing better.
Now I got heavily triggered by something, and it feels like I’m back at square one.
I went two days without sleeping and got a three hour nap today. I have nightmares almost every time I drift off rather than just once a week or every couple weeks. I’m on edge. I’m tense. I’m in pain. I’m tired. I’m having panic attacks pretty much daily. I’m having trouble being at school or at work. I get home and even though I drag myself up to force cooking, even though I’ve forced myself to go to the gym, I switch between that heightened panic and nothingness. I lay in bed, try to scroll, put my phone down and stare at the wall/ceiling, over and over and over.
That’s not even getting into the fact romantic intimacy now terrifies me even though I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, that’s something that hasn’t been fixed yet at all.
I’m not going to do anything rash, but I am so fucking tired of this. I do the work to NOT have to live like this. But I feel like I’m in the same place I was the year and a half after, before I started getting help. It’s been almost a month of this.
Thanks for letting me vent.