Depressive Episode Hitting Differently
I’ve always had depressive episodes but this one just feels so much harder. Usually it’s like a decline, then I’m on the bottom for a little, things get scary and I bounce into mania. Now I’m just stuck in that bottom state and I don’t see things getting any better. I’m exhausted all the time. I feel ashamed, guilty and I hate myself all the time. My partner has taken on a lot of stuff around the house to help me focus on what I need to and has even locked up my meds for me so my scarier thoughts don’t take over, but she’s expressed she’s frustrated that I’m not getting better faster. I feel even worse because I don’t want her to be my caretaker. It’s taken me so long to find meds that work and I’m really scared I’ll have to switch again. I just feel like I do everything I can and it’s never enough.