My partner doesn’t touch me anymore…advice??
Hi! I’m a queer cis gendered woman (35) and my partner is a 33 year old nonbinary transmasc. When we first got together it was slow and intentional we never rushed meeting, having sex, or developing an emotional connection. It was beautiful and amazing I wouldn’t change it. At first sex wasn’t often due to distance but when we did see each other with breaks from work we were wayyyy more consistent in the bedroom. And the sex was A-MAZING.
Before I continue I’ll say I am WAY more sexually adventurous and willing to try things than they are. I’m the one with a drawer of toys ready to roleplay. My partner is very vanilla so to an extent (not to shame myself) I wonder if I scare them.
From my research, taking T can change your libido one way or the other. Also the body dysmorphia of it all. And no one truly knows what it’ll be like for them. I don’t know if that can change but my partner was on T consistently for 4 years before we met.
For the last 3-4 months sex has been a chore or something to pencil on the schedule, we both aren’t that busy. Sometimes I get cuddles on the couch or my feet rubbed. In bed we don’t cuddle at all anymore. I couldn’t even tell you the last time we actually made out. A kiss in the morning and before bed, and any other kisses if I explicitly ask but nothing spontaneous. Nothing because of pure yearning and devotion.
I’m at the point where it’s really getting to me mentally and I think my partner just doesn’t care or thinks I’m nagging. I’m starting to feel like me being plus size is the issue or I’m just not enough in ways I’m not aware of. They say they don’t care if I use toys without them but again I’m adventurous I want them to watch and share that intimate moment.
Any time I do try to bring this topic up they’re not engaged. They’re dismissive, rush the conversation or just act uninterested. I feel like I’m being tolerated, not seen, heard or even an attempt to understand my perspective. I’m very patient and I love them sooo deeply more than I’ve lived before but I cannot be in a sexless partnership ESPECIALLY with no intimacy whatsoever.
Has anyone experienced this? And suggestions on framework or convo starters for them to understand how serious this is for me?
I don’t want to push but I also want to honor myself and my sexual needs.