u/Character_Clue_3704

I (19F) am currently studying a undergraduate law degree at university and I'm working towards becoming a solicitor. I feel emotionally exhausted and I feel trapped between guilt, obligation, resentment, anxiety, and a strong desire for independence. My home environment revolves heavily around my mum's emotions, moods, and needs. My relationship with her is emotionally draining because there she has a pattern of :

- becoming upset, angry, intrusive, or emotionally intense,

- I try staying calm and avoid escalation,

- I end up emotionally overwhelmed and withdraw,

- then she often becomes affectionate afterwards, but nothing fundamentally changes.

My mum also struggles with my independence. Whenever I try to go out, socialise, make plans, or do things independently, she'll :

- question me repeatedly,

- discourages the plans,

- inserts herself emotionally into them,

- or pressures me until the experience no longer feels enjoyable.

My nan has stated that my mum has admitted she sometimes deliberately “pesters” me until I back out of things and that she encouraged a colleague to do the same with her child if she doesn't want them doing something. As a result, I've become extremely cautious and self-conscious about ordinary adult independence. Even things like going on a coffee date, shopping alone, dressing nicely, visiting relatives, or going out socially can feel emotionally “high stakes” because I'm constantly anticipating judgement, questioning, guilt, or emotional arguments.

I live primarily with my nan, but my mum comes over frequently and remains central in my life. I also carry significant practical responsibilities. For example :

- driving my nan’s car because she can no longer safely drive due to medical conditions,

- taking family members (primarily my nan) to appointments,

- shopping,

- helping around the house,

- picking my mum up from work,

• and emotionally managing tension in the house.

Individually, these things are manageable, but together they create constant mental and emotional load alongside university and future-career pressure that I don't know if I can handle for the next two years or more until I can move out.

My father is emotionally unreliable in different ways. I don't trust him due to:

• alcohol-related behaviour,
• drink driving,
• financial dishonesty,
• and repeated irresponsibility.

I feel emotionally detached from both parents. When I imagine my future life, I don't see them a part of it. I have already started considering the possibility of low or no contact with my parents once I'm are financially stable, though I worry about it :

• being unfair,

- an overreacting,

• damaging wider family relationships,
• or being judged by others.

Socially, I feel lonely and somewhat isolated. I don’t currently have close friends nearby and I tend to keep to myself at university. I want companionship and connection, but social interaction usually feels awkward, draining, or emotionally risky. I'm naturally quiet and slow to open up, especially with new people.

I also experience moments where I suddenly feel emotionally “small” or childlike and want comfort from soft things like teddies or blankets. I've noticed these moments tend to happen when I'm overwhelmed, emotionally hurt, anxious, or exhausted.

I don't know if anything about my situation is normal or whether I'm exaggerating and overreacting. I've decided to post on here because I honestly don't know what else to do.