Is it over?
I (40F) have been married to my husband (38M) for 4 years. We have 2 kids together (4 yo and 1 mo).
My husband is a good dad and a terrible partner. I feel alone in my marriage and have for quite sometime.
We’re at a point where I cannot ask a question, express my feelings or needs, or even say how I like my vegetables cooked without being met with a defensive response or complete shutdown. I feel like I am walking on eggshells in my own home.
With my husband and my oldest, I’m constantly having to play referee. My husband is very stunted emotionally and has a difficult time regulating his emotions. In that way he and my 4 year old are very similar. As a result I end up having to step in to create calm and emotional regulation for the two of them. (I hate it)
In my heart I know I need to walk away. At the same time I’m terrified to because I cannot stand the thought of being away from my boys. My hesitation has nothing to do with missing my husband or feeling a loss of the relationship.
How have others navigated this? I know I have one foot out of the marriage already. Is it too late to turn things around? Assuming we do divorce, how do I get over the heartbreak of not tucking my kids into bed every night?