OCD ruining my relationship
for about a year now I’ve been struggling with rOCD, specifically centered around sexual attraction and sex disgust.
never been the biggest fan of sex, my partner and I have a great relationship otherwise and have been together a decade. he makes me feel so safe and loved. when we met I wasn’t super super attracted but found him cute and we grew a really beautiful friendship and up until last year - I was so confident this was it.
last year on Valentine’s day he tried to initiate sex and I had a thought of “what if I don’t want to be with him?” the thought instantly gave me a stomach drop feeling. since then it’s been almost 24/7 rumination and checking attraction. i feel so unattracted to him lately. my mind constantly thinks about having sex with other people (which I’ve never done)
I feel like I don’t see people online necessarily have this problem with rOCD- mostly the ‘do I really love him?’. makes me feel invalid and that this isn’t OCD and really just the inevitable break up. makes me wanna cry everyday.
i’m a therapist myself and know a lot about OCD - but I can’t trust myself that my brain is playing tricks and my relationship is safe. i have constant mental images of sex and it disgusts me more and more each day. feels more and more impossible and repulsive to me. idk what to do :( i’m devastated everyday