I (F, early 30s) and my husband (M, early 30s) have been together for several years and have a toddler, with another baby on the way.
For some background: when we were both working full time, we split rent, but I also handled everything at home, training our puppy, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and laundry. I got really overwhelmed and asked him to help with one thing: vacuuming the living room once a week. It took over a year of asking, reminding, and arguing before he consistently did it.
During my first pregnancy, I had severe morning sickness (HG) and was vomiting constantly, sometimes needing IV fluids. Even then, he didn’t step in to help with meals, cleaning, or laundry. After our baby was born, I became a stay-at-home mom since he earns about 3x what I did. At that point, I stopped expecting help with chores altogether.
To be fair, he’s a great dad, very involved, spends a lot of time with our child, and takes good care of him when he’s home.
Now I’m pregnant again, we’ve just moved across the country, and I’m juggling unpacking, a toddler, and pregnancy symptoms. The house is a bit messy (not dirty, just boxes and things not fully put away yet).
Here’s the issue: over the past few years, he’s developed a habit of leaving his dirty clothes all over the house. I’m already doing all the laundry, I’ve just asked him to put his clothes in the hamper and put away the clean ones I fold and leave on the bed.
I’ve asked him to do this at least 15 times. Recently, I told him that if he kept leaving clothes around, I’d assume he didn’t want them and would donate them.
Yesterday, I found work pants in the guest room and shirts shoved in a corner of the utility room. So I put them in a bag and donated them. When he got home, he was angry and said I “threw out” his clothes and that since the house isn’t as clean as usual anyway, a few extra shirts shouldn’t matter.
So… AITA for following through and donating the clothes after repeatedly asking him to stop leaving them around?
EDIT: just to be clear, I had talked to him about this probably 10-15 times. Posting on reddit was not my first choice! It was not the most mature thing I have ever done, but I was feeling extremely frustrated and ignored.