My boyfriend (m31) and I (f29) have been together for 3 years, we’ve lived together for 1 year. We are happy but I am not satisfied sexually. The sex when it happens is great, although it never feels spontaneous. My concern is the frequency of sex is low - maybe once every 10 days and it feels it only happens then because it has to as we’ve gone without for that long and he knows that would bother me. I have mentioned wanting more sex previously or being upset when it nearly was two weeks without any and I expressed I was concerned. He says it’s because of stress of work or he’s tired.
You are probably wondering why I don’t initiate. He does not get aroused by me touching him or if I’m naked in bed or anything I’ve tried. So I have given up because after a while I just felt rejected. So I feel I am constantly waiting for him to initiate, which then probably creates pressure for him?
I know this is not an attraction issue. He also doesn’t really watch porn from what he has told me. He says once every two weeks? I have no other reason to believe he does it more than that? Never caught him, his social media is very clear. And sometimes with my work shift pattern I have 4 days off so am home a lot when he’s home.
We’re both very affectionate otherwise. Cuddle in bed/on the sofa, hold hands, he gives me random kisses in the day.
So I am not sure if this is a normal amount of time for men in relationships not to want sex? But from friends I’ve chatted with this is not the case? Is there something I’m missing?