hello Reddit! first thank you to all of you for taking the time to read and message/comment it made me feel so seen and not alone. also thanks to the ok story time team for reading my story and helping me feel vindicated in my decision to walk away. I honestly did not think I would be back to post anything but here I am and it isn’t any better and perhaps isn’t much of an update but it’s a lot and I just have to get it out and vent to the void and you lovely people.
to recap for anyone who doesn’t want to read my previous long post. my dad caused my anxiety attack to get worse and says I ruined Christmas and refuses to talk to me until I apologize first. my bonus dad who lost his mom to cancer in 2024 on Christmas died in August of 2025 of cancer not even a year after she died. I had another baby and my dad refuses to talk to me or apologize for what he said or how he treated me and I have had nothing but peace as my dad was the very catalyst to why I had anxiety as severe as I do.
so onto the update…
I found out from my grandma (my dad’s mom) that she has been sharing information and pictures with my dad when he visits her as my grandpa (his dad) is battling cancer again. (my dad was supposed to tell me this information and never did I only found out when I called one day and my grandma says “I guess you’re dad finally told you about grandpas cancer diagnosis“ and I had to tell her he hasn’t spoken to me since Christmas of 2024 when he treated me like garbage so that news was a complete shock to me.
anyways, I found out from my grandma that she was sending pictures of my kids including my new baby and giving life updates to my dad since we stopped talking because she thought we were all good (another lie from my dad that we’re fine just so he could get information.). I told her he has not spoken to me since he berated me and he won’t call or text and my grandma was genuinely shocked.
I realized I had to put my grandma on an information diet and not send her any new pictures as she will continue to give them to him. I had unfriended and blocked him and my step mom from being able to see any of my photos/posts past my wedding (2016) and I blocked them both entirely so I no longer exist. my mother in law was appalled by my dads actions and followed suit as well as my husband. I realized that if my grandma wanted she could get updates and photos from my Facebook so I had the make the hard decision to block her as well so now I don’t exist on Facebook to them.
I was feeling bad for a moment that I severed ties from my dad but then a few months after my bonus dads death my mom and I ran into my friends mom. she lives in the same retirement development as my dad and step mom and traveling back and forth to our state and her house frequently but she is good friends with my mom so she was a witness to something that killed my guilt of cutting off my dad. my friends mom who I’ll call Tammy looked at us and said the following
tammy: oh my god I’m so sorry for the loss I have to tell you something and I know it’s not my place you have have a right to know.
my mom: um ok what’s going on
Tammy: the day after your husband died I was in the lounge (where she moved to) and I saw your EX husband and wife partying and celebrating that your husband died
my mom and I just stood there. like WTF!? who can be a decent human and celebrate the loss of someone who was close to your children who loved them and took care of them? when I thought it couldn’t get worse it did.…there was a video. Tammy held up her phone with a video she took of my dad drinking and doing shots and he yelled “my ex wife’s man got what he deserved”.
any hope of reconciliation/us talking instantly died. who seriously can say someone deserved to get cancer and died painfully and quickly. my mom and I both seethed and everything in me wanted to call him and bitch him out but he blocked me so I couldn’t and my mom who was only a widow for a month just said I’m mad but I cannot be angry at him I just feel sorry for him that he has to talk about my husband dying to make himself feel better about his pathetic life.
a few months pass and we create a new normal my daughter goes to therapy to work out her anger which was her grief of losing her pop and I keep myself busy with my infants medical needs (he has hydrocephalus) and work and I forget about my dad. every now and then my daughter will tell me how she misses my dad but she hates him for how he spoke to me and about me.
it pains me to know that my two year old won’t remember my dad but my daughter who had a relationship is stuck sorting through her feelings of what their relationship was and to what she feels now as she doesnt talk to him. I have to remind her that if he wanted to he would make an effort to get in touch and the fact that he isn’t speaks volume to the kind of person he is. it shatters my heart that my daughter basically lost two grand fathers in a year one of which is still here and she knows if he cared he would reach out and he won’t.
recently beginning of May I get a random text from my brother. it was a screen shot of his conversation with my dad. (my brother keeps my dad at a distance and doesn’t engage he will get occasiona updates from our dad but he doesn’t reach out). my brother sent me a screen shot of my dad telling my brother that my step mothers father passed away and in his text he told my brother to not tell our step sister as they want to tell her. there was no reference of them telling me not him asking my brother to tell me. all he wrote is
hey your Scottish Grandpa passed don’t tell anyone or post anything we need to tell your step sister Vivían first
i got mad…my dad was intentionally withholding information especially the news of a grandpa whom I was very close with passing. my dad is that petty and self centered he is willing to withhold this information just because I won’t give him access to my kids let alone apologize for things I didn’t do. I’m beyond done. and I just needed to get this off my chest. I haven’t fully mourned the loss of my bonus dad and now I’m have to mourn the loss of a grandparent that I wouldn’t have known about if my brother didn’t do the right thing and tell me.
that’s all for now Reddit I just needed to vent and get it off my chest before I do something harsh but as far as I know now my children have one grandpa left and that is my father in law. my father will not have the privilege to know my kids nor will they know who he is. if he cared about my kids he would make himself know to them and at this rate he will be nothing more than a ghost