u/Charming-Fortune907

My husband and I have been fighting alot over the last couple years, on all kids of topics. We've come to the understanding we have terrible communication issues and have been trying to work on it. Everytime something bothers me, and I try to talk about it he gets upset and defensive. Most our marriage I would apologize just to make peace, I do that less now. Im tired and were both tired of fighting. We have two kids who are both autistic and one of them who is our toddler has level three autisim and requires constant supervision, to make sure he dosent do something that will hurt himself. This last argument we had which I think was baseless, he got made because I was upset I could find something he put away. Mind you he was supposed to be taking a nap and I said nothing to him. I was just looking for the item but he saw my face and got upset that I looked upset about it. So we ended up fighting and then he did the thing I have told him bugs me tremendously, which is to just leave the house, not discuss it with me but just go do something outside mid discussion. It wouldnt upset me but he basically fights with me and now were both upset and he assumes he can go distance himself and calm down while I have to smile deal with my emotions and hide them while still taking care of our two little ones. I have to hide it and shove it down, while he gets to go regulate himself. Its not fair and I've told him it makes me feel like he's taking advantage of me and treating me like Im just the slave guaranteed to take care of the kids, he doesn't have to worry about it. If I wasnt here he wouldnt have that option. So I got mad and a little spiteful and told him it was my last straw and I dont want to be his wife anymore. I put up with alot from him like he loves to insult me when hes mad, and I dont do that to him, like hell tell me Im like my mom or last time he told me Im a cold hearted bitch and thats why I dont have any friends. Im not perfect mind you and I am aware of that, I can be moody and sensitive and im sure Im not a cake walk. The last couple years I have been having to ask for him to care about me in so many ways, like do something for me sometimes, like just make a cup of coffee every once in a while, care about my sexual happiness, and last birthday we fought because he was happy we didnt fight like the last several but I was upset he really didnt spend anytime with me. Just the leaving the house when we're arguing makes me feel like hes using and forcing me to take care of our kids and doesn't care about me. Am I crazy or is he being incredibley selfish?