u/Charming-Tadpole-536

I 32F have been with my partner 44M for over 6 years. He has been in control of the relationship for all those years.

Whether that it how revealing my clothes can be, to who my friends can be to my social outings etc.
Initially I wanted to avoid conflict and just gave in to all his tantrums.

I am the higher earner and have been paying 75% of the bills for over 4 years, and also lent him money adding to tens of thousands over these years.
Even then, he would sometimes calculate my salary and state, you should have saved more. I have lent my family money which I had to hide from him because he would not like it.

Over the years I have shrank myself so much, that I sometimes feel like a soulless shell.
I am trying to regain control, and I started by making the gym my hobby and being very physically healthy. I am not sure how to address the elephant in the room and leave.
Each time I think of addressing it, I stall. I do care for him as a person and feel tremendous guilt.

I (32F), have been with my partner (44M) for 6 years. He pursued me relentlessly for 6 months, and back then I was physically very fit.

One year into our relationship we moved in and I slowly started gaining weight. He loves to cook and is a feeder. I gained 20kg in total, and the more I gained the more he would initiate intimacy. I recently lost 10kg and I am on a journey to lose another 10.

He keeps discouraging me and telling me how being a smaller size does not suit me. He is upset about my weightloss and did not initiate intimacy for over 6 weeks.
I find it strange how he is not attracted to me anymore even though when we met I was in great shape.

As a man do you know if men encourage weight gain to make their partners less attractive to other men or whether it is truly their preference?

EDIT: I think people are focused on feeder. He loves to cook and share food, but only recently has he pushed me to eat more to gain the weight back. He does not actually physically feed me like people on the 600lb docuseries.

He wants me to be large, not morbidly obese.

EDIT:
A lot of people pointed out the control element. I thought he stopped his controlling ways but clearly now it is about my weight. Thank you for pointing it out.

I was previously controlled with where I was 'allowed' to and 'not allowed' to go. I could not have male friends. He also does not like my gym clothes which are just tight full length leggings because they show off my legs and backside.
I am also paying for the mortgage in full (and have bern for 4 years since we got this home) and 40-50% of the remainder expenses. Whenever I have money saved he would always 'borrow' it. Over the years this has added to tens of thousands. When I bring it up he states 'it is our money'.

The more I type this out the more idiotic I feel. I thought just because he is being nice to me in other ways that was justified and I should be patient.

I just need to find the courage to leave, which I am not sure how to do right now.