I’m broken.
Totally and completely broken.
I have a 20mo and a 3mo and I swear they both hate me.
Long story short, my 20mo has been bonded to my wife (we are a 2 mom household, I am the biological parent). I’ve never been the preferred or chosen parent. Everyone kept saying she would flip flop but it never happened. Even almost 2yrs later now. I’ve tried every piece of advice I’ve been given. But I still feel so rejected. I do everything for her. Literally. But she still only ever wants my wife. Only ever calls for her when she not in a room with her. Only ever cries for her when she’s hurt. Physically pushes me away.
My 3mo is starting to show the same preference and I mentally cannot take going through this again.
I’m just heartbroken. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
ETA:
Thank you to everyone who offered something encouraging and supportive to say. There were a lot more comments than I was anticipating so I will try to respond as I’m able but I just wanted to respond over all to a few as an edit to the post.
I acknowledge I am very much in the throes of postpartum hormones and am in therapy trying to work through that. I’m sure dealing with that is heightening a lot of these emotions for me, so the grace that’s being given by most of you is truly appreciated.
I also want to say I don’t expect that my kids owe me anything. I love them more than life itself which is why this hurts so deeply. I didn’t have a good relationship with my mom and just desperately hoped I’d find a better connection with my kids. Maybe the trauma from that has compounded these emotions as well.
I don’t necessarily want or expect to be the preferred parent, I love that they love their other mom, I just wish I had some equal footing. My toddler barely notices if I leave a room but she will call out for her other mom if she leaves. When she gets hurt, she actively pushes me away to seek out comfort from my wife. I just want to be there for her - and for my 3mo.
When I say I do everything I mean I make sure they want for nothing, coordinate all of their doctor appointments, make sure they (well my oldest daughter) has a good birthday/holidays. Work with her on learning things and play with her. Etc. my wife is a great caregiver but she has never bought them anything they need, not even food. Has never made a single doctor appointment. Couldn’t tell you what vaccines have been had/are due, these are just a few examples.
We both work from home so we both spend a mostly equal amount of time with her. My job is a bit more in difficult so my toddler spent a lot of time in my wife’s office playing during the day.
Again, I sincerely appreciate everyone who was kind and was able to commiserate with my feelings. It helps to know that it’s okay to sit in and process the hurt.
None of these feelings change the immense love I have for them both though.