Seeking advice
Separated
I 45F am married 49M but we have not been a couple for a few years now. He cheated and is overall a pain to deal with, so I initiated the emotional split. Our primary residence is in his name only, fully paid off, to which I contributed about 30%. We live in a community property state. However, he has been transferred to another city for work, so I spend most of the time alone in the house with our kids. He comes around most Fridays through the weekend and departs on Sunday evening.
Ideally, I would like to get a divorce and have my own place where he would have no direct access but our current situation works because of the kids and their schooling. If there were no kids in the picture, I would be long gone. Finances are not a concern. I am beginning to get uncomfortable continuing to share a space with him because he is the kind of person who has no boundaries and has shown poor judgement in general which is a contributing factor to our split. I travel a fair bit for work, and he makes arrangements to stay in the home during these periods but I am worried about the friends and acquaintances that will be accessing the home in my absence. However, I don’t see a way around this because we do always need one parent available to the kids. I am feeling stuck and uncomfortable with the situation. I am not dating and have no desire to do so however, I’m beginning to feel like I’m in a space where I would be willing to proceed with a divorce mainly because I want my privacy and guaranteed security which I don’t feel when he is around because he is also very careless. The only pros to having him around are that he tutors the kids, helps with logistics and can be handy around the house. I have no experience with divorce so grateful for answers to a few questions I’ve been mulling over:
•We both earn about the same amount and have kept our finances separate our entire marriage. So, is it possible that both parties just keep their assets in a divorce?
• I do not necessarily want ownership of the primary home but would prefer to maintain residence in the event of a divorce. Is this a realistic option?
•If we continue to both reside in the primary home, is there anything that would support me requesting that he move into the guest suite and I keep the primary suite? That way, I can lock up the primary suite when I have to travel and feel more at peace. Yes, we have continued to share the primary suite when he is around but there is no intimacy.