Help please
Hi, this is the first time I've ever really posted about my mental health so this might be abit long but yea,
I’ve been feeling like this since around grade 6. There was a period where I was genuinely happy again, but once I started high school it slowly came back. I’m in grade 11 now and it feels like I can’t fully focus on anything anymore, whether it’s school, soccer, or things I used to enjoy. Most days I just put myself on cruise control until I can go home, lie in bed, or distract myself with video games for a bit of relief. Around friends and family I feel like I’m always putting on a fake version of myself so nobody worries, acting like the “funny” guy, but it honestly feels like I’m just putting on a mask. I don’t want to talk to my parents about it because I don’t want to worry them, and even when I seem off they don’t really understand. Lately everything feels like it’s piling up with school, soccer, and pressure to do better, and even though I study and practice a lot it never feels like enough. I’ve also been crying more often for reasons I don’t really understand, and even the things I still enjoy like Warhammer, LEGO, or drawing don’t feel the same anymore. I have a good family and good friends, which makes me feel guilty for feeling this way, but sometimes I still think about ending everything; I haven’t acted on it because I can’t bear what it would do to my family, especially my mom and sister, but the thoughts still get really hard to deal with and I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore because I will be graduating next year and going off to uni or college, whatever I end of going for. I want these feelings to end and actually feel normal for a change and not have to fake it. If anyone relates or has advice, I’d really appreciate it. Thank you