AIO for refusing to do a pregnancy test in front of my ex?
A few months ago, my ex and I broke up. We’re both in our late 20s. I’ll skip the details of the breakup itself, but a few days after we ended things, I felt like something was wrong with my body, so I took a pregnancy test. It came back positive. For context, while we were together, I had been on the contraceptive injection, but it caused continuous bleeding, so we decided to switch to birth control pills instead. However, there was about a two-week gap between the injection wearing off and me starting the pill properly. I had only taken the pill for around 7–10 days before we broke up. Because of personal privacy, I didn’t fully discuss everything with my GP, but I did ask under what circumstances pregnancy could happen. She explained that pregnancy tests are usually reliable after around two weeks and that the pill only becomes fully effective after taking it consistently for about 14 days. She also said the gap between contraceptive methods increased the risk.
The next day, I told my ex that I had taken a test and it was positive, although I wasn’t completely sure because the injection and the pill had both affected my body a lot. He immediately said, “No, you’re not.” I told him I would test again. Over the next three days, I kept testing, and every result was positive. One morning, I called him because it was his day off. He sounded impatient answering the phone, but at that point I didn’t care. I was terrified. I begged him to take me to the GP because I didn’t want to go through it alone. And when I say begged, I mean literally begging. The call lasted around 45 minutes. I cried the entire time asking him to take me, but he refused because he already had plans to have lunch with his brother. He told me to just go by myself and let him know the result afterward.
So I went alone. The GP confirmed I was pregnant.
I told him, and about three hours later he came to my house because I asked him to. What frustrated me was that instead of talking directly to me first, he wanted to involve our parents immediately. We were both adults in our late 20s, and I just wanted us to face the situation directly instead of avoiding it. We talked for around two hours. I showed him the photo but he still seemed confused and didn’t fully believe me. I repeated exactly what the doctor had told me: that no birth control method is 100% effective, especially with the gap between methods and the fact that I hadn’t been on the pill long enough. I didn’t cry while talking to him because I didn’t want him to feel pressured. But the next day, emotionally, I completely broke down. I texted him saying I felt worse and couldn’t handle everything. He replied, “I know,” and then spent the entire day and night at a concert with his friends. One of our mutual friends later told me he seemed completely fine there — laughing, having fun, not looking upset or worried at all.
That honestly destroyed me.
An hour after that conversation, I booked a flight back to my home country because mentally I couldn’t cope anymore. I lived alone in his country, and at that moment I genuinely felt like I couldn’t breathe. After spending a week with my family, I felt a lot calmer. I finally told him I had already flown home. His response was basically, “WTF,” and then he asked when I would return so I could take another pregnancy test in front of him. At that point, I was shocked. I asked him what the point was. I had begged him over ten times during that 45-minute call to come with me, and he refused. I already had medical certificates from both the university clinic in his country and a hospital in my hometown confirming the pregnancy, but he still said he didn’t believe me.
According to him, the only way to “solve” the situation was for me to fly back and do another blood test in front of him.
My mum knew everything by then. She asked whether I wanted to keep the baby or not, and she told me she would support me no matter what I chose. But she also said something that hit me. She told me that when she was younger, she had gone through something similar and regretted it deeply later in life. She said she didn’t want me to make a rushed decision out of fear or anger. She told me that if it wasn’t medically dangerous, maybe I should give myself more time before making up my mind, cause sometimes life changes unexpectedly. She also said that I needed to accept responsibility for my own decision, as what im doing now.
The day I flew back, I told her honestly that I didn’t want the baby cause I hated his father, and I hated myself even more. I didn’t feel emotionally stable enough to become a mom, and I was scared of ruining a child’s life because of my own pain.
Even after all of that, I was still pregnant when I flew back to meet him again. By that time, I was already around 12 weeks pregnant, which made the situation feel even more emotionally stressful because I knew delaying a decision any longer could become more complicated and risky. Part of me still wanted to give the situation one last chance before making a final decision. I thought maybe if we talked properly, if he showed some care or responsibility, things might feel different. But when we met again, the entire conversation still revolved around him wanting another blood test done in front of him. The problem was that I already had low blood levels/anemia, something he had known for a long time, especially since the issues started when I was on the injection. I had repeated it to him so many times. At that moment, I realized nothing had actually changed. I still felt emotionally alone, unsupported, and exhausted. Eventually, I didn’t change my mind. I decided to terminate the pregnancy. We blocked each other on all social media platforms.
I’m not pregnant anymore atm.
It’s been months, and looking back, I don’t think my reaction was “crazy” or unreasonable. I think I was overwhelmed, scared, heartbroken, and desperately looking for support from someone who should take responsibility for what they did. Last but not least, I didn't mean that all these things were his fault; I would take all responsibility for being pregnant, but a bit annoyed by the way he acted after everything we had had.