MtF 13 months of DIY and I think I'm going back
I don't regret these months and some of the effects that estrogen gave me were exactly what I needed to get a better look on my life. I'm a kinder and more open-minded person. The laser removal of my facial hair is not something that I regret (never looked good on me) and I plan on seeing it through to the end.
I'm not going to take my next dose of estrogen and then go from there. My hormones will hopefully recover by the end of the year. I'm just really scared of some period between when I might be without hormones while my body starts making testosterone again. I'll also have to get some breast tissue removed.
I think the reasons why I started this in the first place was a combination of being tired of having a male libido which also led me to feeling lonely, disliking how I smell and sweat as a man, as well as aesthetic reasons like growing more facial hair that I wanted gone and hair loss as I aged. I do not know why I resorted to HRT instead of more suitable medication. Maybe I felt ashamed over hair removal and being prescribed finasteride for technically vain reasons as a man.
I'm also feeling very ashamed because I'm just about to meet with a gender therapist to determine a diagnosis. I guess I'll just be upfront and say that my issues were likely just caused by different mental illnesses like perhaps OCD, body dysmorphia and my social phobia which I want to treat instead.