Reached my breaking point
In hindsight I’ve probably been addicted to porn since I (M27) was about 12-13 years old. I think it was mainly an outlet since girls weren’t attracted to me so this was the only “experience” I could get.
Anyways I finally reached my breaking point this week, on Saturday I noticed my penis had peeling skin (almost like sunburn) which scared me cause I’ve never had anything like that happen before.
So I went to the doctor and he said probably just fungal or dermatitis and gave me a cream for it. In my head I knew this was because recently I had been masturbating for too long and gripping too hard.
Due to fear of my penis being injured I stopped touching myself and applied the cream daily. By Thursday (yesterday) it was looking better - At the start of the week I told myself I want to not touch it till Friday as me and my GF are going out and want to be able to enjoy sex when we come home.
But alas, a particular reddit post triggered me bad at work and when my gf went to shower and tan last night I was gooning again. I sort of thought because my dick looked better everything was okay anyways.
Boy was I wrong. When I stopped it was red, inflamed and those patches where skin was peeling were raw again as if I had taken the newly grown skin clean off it all over again.
I felt so upset and ashamed with myself that I couldn’t exercise one more day of self control and now I feel like I’ve ruined our night out tonight. It took basically a week for it to get better and now I need to start the process all over again.
It’s just made me realise that I clearly have a problem with porn and edging. Having my penis be injured from it is potentially the wake up call I needed otherwise I wouldn’t see a problem potentially.
So I guess today marks the start of my no porn and no fap journey.