How can I best navigate the realization of my partners attachment style
I (38m) have been in a relationship for 3 years with my GF(33f) and over the past week came to the realization she has an avoidant attachment. Spending the last few days reading what avoidant attachment looks like and the patterns it presents has been very alarming with just how incredibly accurate it describes our relationship. She has been extremely transparent throughout this entire relationship describing her pattern to me and telling me how to handle her when she is being distant or cold. A month into dating she stated she has strong commitment issues and as we approach relationship milestones she will try to convince us both we are not right for one another. She assured me that it will pass every time and things will be fine and sure enough every time it has. We have always talked about marriage and starting a family. Over the last month we’ve been looking at houses and it’s been getting more and more real and then last week her pattern repeated and she had a complete breakdown. She stated she feels like her brain is broken and though everything is perfect and she feels like I’m her soulmate there is this imaginary block standing in her way. These statements are what prompt me to look into this deeper and led me to where I am now. I am looking for advice in a few areas.
Is there any approach I can take to tell her about her attachment style? It’s like she knows every detail of it and how it makes her feel without knowing exactly what it is or why.
Am I able to support her and work through this with hopes to fix this relationship? Most of what I read says to run and not look back. This is hard for me because we both agree this has been the deepest connection either one of us have had in a relationship and neither one of us want a life without the other.
It feels impossible to take the advice I’ve read to walk away and move on because of how open she is about the situation. It breaks my heart to see this person who genuinely wants commitment, family and a future together, but talks about this flaw in her brain she can’t control holding us back.
Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.