Screaming into he void
CW:suicide
I love having BPD it's so fun
I love that I can never form real attachments
I love that I'm either completely obsessed with someone or completely hate them and can never have a stable relationship
I love that I will always be a lying cheating manipulating piece of shit
I love that I can never take accountability for my actions and will never change
I love the constant mood swings
I love that I'm going insane in a different way everys ingle fucking day
I love that I will never know peace or ever feel safe
I love I'll never be able to do the things people are meant to do like start a family
I love that I will die alone and hated
I love that I ruin every single good thing in my life for no reason
I love that even after achieving my goals and getting what I want I still feel empty and unfulfilled
I love that even after pushing everyone away and being alone I'm still not comfortable because I'm still with the person I hate the most in the entire world which is myself
I love how no matter how much I try to get better and be normal I never will be
I love how no matter how much I talk and vent about it it never changes and all it is is me seeking attention completely superficially
I love how even though I cry for help deep down I know no one can help me
I love how I will never be understood even though I want to be and that at the same time I hate being perceived
I love that I come up with a new personality to I teract with every person around and as soon as the mask slips I get terrified and ruin the relationship out of fear of abandonment even though it's me who's abandoned myself
I love how giving up or trying to change doesn't even matter because there's literally no cure and I'm stuck like this forever
I love living my entire life analyzing and studying everyone around me trying to understand them but I never will because I lack the fundamental understanding of what it is to be a functioning human
I love that I will never understand anyone fully and will never be fully understood
I love having no sense of identity
I love having no personality
I love being such a fragile egotistical being that being perceived alone counts a threat to my brain so no one will ever accept me for who I am because they will never know the true me
I love how even if I wanted to show them the true me I couldn't because he doesn't even exist
I love how even if I kill myself no one will miss me because will have ever known me for who I am
I love how they'll only ever miss the image I projected out to them and they'll forever think I was nothing but a good understanding kind person gene though it's always been nothing but a lie
I love how my entire character and principles and personality is nothing but a lie I create because it surrounds me with people while still shielding the fragile inside that is my true ego
I love dumping all my problem unprinted into other people and making their lives worse in every way because I never learned a healthy way to cope with it
I love feeling alone even when I'm surrounded by people
I love not even having a point of reference in my life to a healthy relationship and never being able to understand it's dynamics
I love how no matter how much I communicate and put effort in to make my relationships work I still become disgusted at the idea of being perceived and rejected so I sabotage every single good relationship I ever form at the expense of the person closest to me
I love being my own worst enemy in every possible way