Feeling lonely while having friends, any advice?
Hi redditors, I hope you can give me some advice.
I am 30F and grew up in an abuse environment. I have never felt loved/cared about by my parents who were too busy fighting about problems they created themselves. As often happens by abusers, my father isolated us from the rest of the family (who subsequently also never reached out themselves), so I essentially go through life without any contact with relatives (this part is my choice and I am okay with it).
I have friends, and see each of them more or less once a month/once every couple of months. This is the case with multiple friends, so I meet at least one person per week more or less. I would like to have more regular contact with them, but my friends barely take initiative and it is usually me who contacts them.
I do volunteering and some other activities such as painting or hiking during the weekend. I go out and have social interactions every day. Although I used to not share anything personal, I have gone to therapy (for childhood abuse related things) for 3 years now and have opened up to different degrees to all of my friends now. I live alone and don't have a partner.
Even though I feel I am doing everything 'right' socially, I still feel deeply lonely on a daily basis. I don't have someone to chat with casually on a daily basis. Not only did I spent last christmas and new years eve completely alone, but also none of my friends sent a message during the holidays even though they know I don't have contact with my family and it is an extra lonely period for me.
Though I am obviously not perfect, I genuinely think I am a kind person, yet somehow in my 30 years of existing I have not managed to find a single person who cares about me. I don't understand why it is apparently impossible for me to have a close relationship with literally a single person. There must be someone out there who either also wants someone to talk to on a daily basis, or at least someone who actually finds me interesting to spend more than a few hours per month on?
I must be doing something wrong, but I really don't get it, please help me out. My psychologist is almost retiring and although she helped me overcoming my traumas, she is not very helpful when it comes to this problem. She tells me to go out, try new things, open up to people, which is literally what I am doing, but it is not going anywhere. I don't get it.. :(