Found out my boyfriend cheated on me and I can’t help but think we could still work it out.
Long story short, I went through my boyfriend’s phone and found that he had signed up for and made a profile on a dating app back in February of this year. Nothing was deleted, he never messaged anyone or tried to do anything physical with anyone on there. When I confronted him, he said he didn’t remember doing it, which I honestly feel is hard to believe. He kept saying he didn’t know why he would do something so horrible, but then said maybe it was because he was so angry with me at the time that he in a way, wanted to hurt me.
For context he has significant trust issues from being cheated on in a previous relationship and from terrible childhood experiences and he has trouble believing people will stay and be faithful to him. He said he had convinced himself I was doing something and that’s what he did as a result, but that he has never wanted anyone else and would never message anyone or physically cheat on me. And as far as I can see, that seems to be true.
I am struggling with the issue of him doing something he knew would hurt me and “getting back at me” for something I never did and never would do because of his own overthinking. In the past, he has also downloaded dating apps and has admitted to me he would create a blank profile and look for me on there anytime I was out of town because he was so scared.
We’ve tried to work together on this and I’ve reassured him as many times as he needed, but finding this out has been really soul crushing knowing I was putting so much effort into the relationship while he was quick to make a huge mistake that jeopardized everything. I’m struggling with this as well because I keep thinking that I know he’s sorry, I know he deeply regrets it and I do know he loves me and cares for me, he’s been a great partner to me otherwise and I never had any indication he had ever been disloyal, he did everything to make me feel loved and cared for and I just don’t understand why he would do something like that. I didn’t want our relationship to end this way over something like this.
Is it even possible to move past this in couples therapy or some other way? I love him so much and I’m very hurt by what he did and the only thing that’s making me think it can be saved is the fact that I saw he didn’t message anyone or do anything on the app. If it has been physical I wouldn’t even consider this. I don’t know if I’m making a mistake if I stay but I genuinely think he’s a good person that made a terrible one time decision. The hope would be of course that it stays as a one time horrible decision. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts, I would appreciate it.