u/Chemical-Scarcity964

I'll go first. I just found out that because of my shitty titty diagnosis, two ladies I know are now in treatment for bc. One I spoke to directly, encouraged her to get a mammo, and is now in active treatment. The other, saw my social media post about my diagnosis, decided she needed to get checked and was fortunate enough to catch it early enough for surgical treatment only. So as much as being diagnosed last year sucked, sharing my story may have saved two women I know. Maybe more thanks to being able to post anonymously on some social media groups.

Eta: I got a clear report back from my 1 year scan & ultrasound, too so yay!

Its been a year since my dmx. I am currently in the "tests to be sure nothing new popped up" phase. I have a 5 hour round trip drive to see any specialists or have imaging done. Each way is about 175 miles. I called my insurance to ask about milage reimbursement because, well, gas is fucking expensive & costs me over $100 per trip. It took me almost an hour to finally reach the correct company, because 3rd party, and they can't help me. Why? Because the appointments are over 120 miles & I would need a "Necessity of Care" form! Oh & they don't have the form, or know where to get it, or who needs to fill it out. The imaging center will sign off on it, but can't provide it. My oncology team has yet to return my calls. And the real kicker? I only have until the day of my appointment to turn in the form, you know the one I can't get.

I have appointments with my breast surgeon & MO later this month, but because I can't get any help paying for gas after losing my job, I can't afford to go. I called the American Cancer Society & Susan G Colman because both advertise assistance with financial difficulties. Nope. All I got was a "here's a list of places you can apply for help from." Over half the list, when you click the link, show that they only accept online applications from xx to xx dates. Every single one showed "not currently accepting applications". What the hell is the point?

I have no family to help me. I already sold the only spare vehicle I owned to cover bills until I can find a new job. I can't count on my ex to pay for carnival tickets, let alone the $600 a month he owes in child support. I'm just so done.

I plan to call my oncologists tomorrow and tell them that unless they can schedule both my appointments (mo & bs) on the same day, that I just can't go. What the hell is the point of all the pain & loss of a body part, just to have to beg for basic living. I have no energy, I don't want to do anything. Honestly the only reason I am still here is because I don't want to leave my kids alone. Their dad just kinda sucks at being a good dad. I don't trust him to raise our kids with love, he is too much of a "do what I say & No I don't need to explain" type.

I'm sorry. It's 3am, I can't sleep. Everything keeps playing through my mind. I just need the noise to stop. I need actual rest. I need something to go right for once because I don't know how much longer I can handle being shit on by my life.

I finally got my first breast mri, post dmx, on wednesday. I am scheduled to see both my breast surgeon & new Medical oncologist next month. Well the imaging center called me today. They want me to come in for an ultrasound on the left side, the side that had cancer. I am so damn frustrated. I live 2.5 hours away. Every appointment means 5 hours of driving and about $100 in fuel alone assuming I don't hit high winds. Now I am in a panic. I can't afford all these trips.

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My surgeon & MO appointments are on a Thursday & Friday, my youngest has an orthodontist appointment in the same city on another day next month, and now I have a 4th appointment to go to. That's $400 in fuel, $100-150 in food. I just lost my job, trying to find one in this tiny town is almost impossible. I can't depend on my ex at all, he doesn't even remotely try to pay the child support he owes. Hell, he didn't even bother to pay the $60 for our kids to go to the carnival like he promised because he is "short on money". He always has an excuse. I had to sell something to get the money.

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My life is a complete disaster on a good day & now I could be looking at a reoccurrence after a year? I think I know where their "concerning spot" is. It's scar tissue that's been there since my Dmx healed, I even pointed it out to the tech. I want to scream & cry & break things. I am so tired of life shitting on me at every turn. What does a girl gotta do to catch a break?