Incoherent Rambling and a Return to Iniquity
My girlfriend confirmed my worst fears almost a week ago and said that my crippling dysphoria (and by extension terrible mental state) has been harming her. She said she wanted to rethink the relationship and that she’ll contact me when she’s ready to talk. It was brought up out of nowhere (at least to my knowledge, as she made no indication to me regarding it). Verbatim, she said she feels like I drag her down and I just shut down.
I haven’t talked to her since then and I’m filled with such an awful feeling ever since. The days are glacial. She’s quite literally one of two people in my life who knows I am even transsex in the first place and the only person I have ever opened up to. She’s my best friend and genuinely the only reason I want to get better. I don’t know what to do and it’s killing me. I feel betrayed and hurt but at the the same time I’ve spent so long wishing she’d never met me or that she’d leave me for someone better so I guess si should just be happy for her.
Maybe I’m selfish though and don’t want that as much as I thought I guess. I’m scared. I want to rope and hurt myself more just to save her the trouble. I miss her tone of voice when talking about the things she loves and her infectious drive to always try. I think I am empirically bad and wrong.
I dunno anymore I just want my childhood friend :(
Anyways potential reader, if you’re still here, how should I pass the time?
Gigapassoid’s reply in the second slide btw, unfunny as usual