I deeply miss being 2-6 years old.
I miss it so much that I've bought diapers and pacifiers off various websites off the Internet.
Oddly enough, when I was little, I thought being an adult was so cool because they get to do whatever they wanted. But ever since I was like 15, I've just felt so miserable. I feel as if I'm putting on a mask without taking it off. I don't feel happy being what I am anymore as an adult.
I feel like a little kid trapped in a grown man's body. Where I just don't know how to be an adult, even though I'm currently 26.
I try to do anything that people my age are into to make friends, and I feel so alone where I live. I feel like an outsider in my own community. I don't know what else to do.
It's like I've been evicted from my own happy place and forced to live elsewhere. That's how I feel whenever somebody tells me to "grow up". I've been doing that for a decade, trying to find things that will make people like me, just so that they could be my friend. So far, it emotionally hurts me.
There were times it had grown into genuine interests like sports, movies, TV shows, and video games, but it feels like a high someone would get when taking a drug. A temporary feeling, more or less.
It sucks, period. I don't know where I can find new friends because I just feel different from people my age. I feel like everything overwhelms the hell out of me. It puts me into sensory overload almost every day.