r/nevergrewup

I've been crying my eyes out all day because I feel so bad and humiliated. The story is, until just a few years ago, I really did look like an actual child. People frequently thought I was 9-12 and were always SHOCKED ​to learn my real age. I was blissfully able to be seen as and live as a kid every day. But the past couple years, I am finally looking my age. (This has caused me tremendous dysphoria and distress and is a whole issue on its own. 💔😪) Now that I am 27, people frequently say I look 15-18 or older, and it breaks my heart. 15 is not a kid. 15 is already biologically a young adult, too old for toys or playing or cute clothes and all the other things I love. I've done everything I possibly could to make myself look younger but I still get told I look 15-20s.

Today my mom said something about how I "look like a kid". I told her that I really don't anymore, and told her about something that happened yesterday: I was playing music for tips on the street. This couple stopped to listen. The woman asked what year I was born. When I said 1999, she got all excited like "I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU SHE WAS ABOUT 30!!" and the man said he had thought I was 15. I told this story to my mom to show her that I do not look like a kid anymore. I tried to pretend like I was happy about this, like it was a good thing, so she wouldn't suspect I secretly DO want to still look like a kid.

Mom responded by saying something like "Do you still want to look 10 or 11, the way you did a few years ago?" all serious. In that moment I just wanted to sob and sob from the humiliation because she I felt like she knew my secret. ​An hour later, I tried to tell her that I only told her that story to give evidence of how I don't look like a kid anymore, not that I was complaining or missing my young looks. It turned into WW3 because she thought I was verbally attacking her and calling her a bad mom. She also said she thought maybe I missed how people always used to assume I was a kid, and that made me feel worse. She walked out and I've been crying home alone ever since for hours.

I decided I need to stop trying so obviously to look younger because I really don't want her catching on, even though it seems she already has. So I cut all my Frozen T-shirts and themed outfits in half with scissors and threw them in the trash. I put my Frozen costumes in a bag for donation. I'm thinking of getting rid of all my dolls too. I know by tomorrow I'm probably going to regret destroying my Frozen themed clothes and cry so hard over it. They were my favorite thing in the world. 💔

It's just like once you hit 18 all the fun shit just disappears. like children and teenagers even when they're on break from school they still have like programs, clubs, and summer camps to give them community and a sense of belonging but there's no equivalent for young adults, like as a 18-19/early 20s person your only option is university as far as socialization goes, and this is nice but the problem is it's locked behind a big stupid ass paywall that prevents alot of people from being able to go so if you're not privileged enough to go to uni then you're pretty much going to be lonely and have a hard time making new connections. I just don't understand why there's no type of community structures for our age group like there is for teenagers, and even if you do manage to find something for young adults it's just gonna be based around working and career shit instead of being a safe space where you can just simply exist around other people in your age group filled with fun activities to do. like this is one of the biggest reasons why I was not looking forward to turning 18 because I knew it meant loneliness and lack of social opportunities.

Have you found a friend and how? I’m 30 and would love a friend to have fun with. I especially have trouble finding someone with girly interests like me like Disney princesses, as a lot of fellow autistic AFABS I’ve come across are nonbinary or not into the girly things I am into. I am also childfree so not into talking about people’s kids

I’m 23y.o. I have worked in 6 different jobs since the age of 18. I got fired in one of my job; none of the job I worked actually last more than a year. I know I have a unique personality that I can speak to anyone I want but go dead air pretty quick because I can carry on a conversation, colleagues given comments to me said I am too robotic. In real life, after I left school and uni, I feel like a lost all the commons things with all my friends. Even my ex said I can’t communicate. I can speak to someone but keep getting comments by others behind my back that I’m too robotic. I tried to prove to myself that I can stay in a job. I can survive a job without being fired. I will not resign like any of my previous jobs. Is it a disability if I lack empathy and skills to carry on a continuous conversation with people for long time? I have had many people who disassociate themselves from me and unfollowed me on social media and stopped replying to my messages because of the way I speak and interact. I do have friends but majority of people I work with are people who I can’t get along with. Team work and communication are the most important thing in my job. My dad said I will get fired If I can’t change myself. I’m thinking like If I could change right away I would have done it already. If it’s something or social skills that I can’t comprehend, I cannot even make changes.

im 19f and really suck at driving and dont want to learn. every time i practice, i get discouraged and honestly all around it just feels like a huge impossible task. i recently started college as well, i also work part time, all of which i hate. my partner, 23, constantly calls me childish and says i cant grow up and i need to be an adult and i never accomplish anything, etc. we get into arguments constantly over this. im trying my absolute best.

anything i do thats seen as childish to them gets me reprimanded and i hate it. one time they literally took me put of a store to say i was embarrassing because i jumped out of excitement at something. i hate it sm. i just want to be able to express myself fully but i never will, not with them or societally, ever. i dont wanna have to work. i dont wanna have to drive. i wish i could just be myself.

25F

Yesterday night I decided to watch Toy Story 3 with my family. I had already watched it a few years ago but this time it hit really hard. I’ve almost been crying all night and woke up with a heavy heart. I’ve been literally sobbing for hours and cannot stop. The final scene in which Andy gives his toys to Bonnie just kills something inside of me. I’ve always been scared of growing up although I‘ve become independent pretty soon. But thinking that I cannot do anything to stop time or to relive my childhood just breaks me. I‘m also very fond of my Alien plushie from the Toy Story franchise. I sleep with him every night and hug him dearly when I’m sad. He’s part of the family. But seeing the aliens left behind in the box by Andy literally shattered me. I don’t know what to do.

At 16, I realized that I wanted to go back to my childhood.

your little baby lamb needs you

he is scared

he wants his mommy

he's nervous

he is vulnerable

something is scaring him

but he can't say what

he's crying

he's wondering where his mommy is

he's terrified

he wants to beg for you

he wants you to find him

but his soft cries are not loud enough

he cannot be heard

he is weak

he is shaking

his innocence has been torn from him

he doesn't want to be left alone

he wants his mommy to stay with him

he doesn't want to go

please save him

he is in pain

he wants you to help him

he doesn't know what to say though

he's begging

he is bleeding

his little body hurts

he wants this to be over

he is disgusted

he is hurting

he is no longer your baby

he is still scared

he is still unable to get his mommy to hear him

he doesn't even know what he did wrong

maybe he didn't cry loud enough

maybe he should have told sooner

he is big now

big enough to defend himself

he doesn't need his mommy anymore

but inside he's still little

still begging

he cried and cried and cried

but he was not loud enough to be heard

I wrote this and I just started crying. the last part especially hurts. I'm just a little boy who was never heard. I miss the childhood I could have had but didn't. I needed protection. and what hurts more is if my mom had known, she would have helped me. but I couldn't tell her. i will forever wonder who I would have been if I was helped sooner.

hi, i am, sorry i do not know how reddit works at all. hi, my name is halyn i am a 6 year old alter in a polyfragmented diagnosed DID system. i am, very small and very tired, and there are many many upsetting things around me. i dont even want to talk about them. i am tired,and. i fear even focusing on it for more than a passing second longeri may. lose it.

the problem with DID isthat, i am 6, and i am truly a kid. no i dont mean chrono child, jesus, i am just a child in a system.

no where is oriented for actual systems it feels like,i am fightimg a battle already lost. im tired and idont have a single spoon, i dont knowwhat to eat or how to get up to even make it. buti know the system spaces that i have been in, were not safe spaces, and i do not find it easy to find spaces when we are bodily 23. we are not, okay with nsfw, we are not.okay with. anything but i am just struggljng for the words. to say it

i guess mypoint is, i am a syskid, not actually ageregressing, i truly. NEVER grew up,i donot.know how, i just want the pain to end and i am, venting about it to the void, at least,

i know that i amjust scared, and when that. is over, i might feel better or evn be okay by then. but i amso, currently so scared

My mental age 99% of the time does not match my actual age, and sometimes I regress to even younger. My friends are ok with this (I wouldn’t be friends with them otherwise,) but they don’t really understand or are able help me through issues, so I’m looking for a therapist, but idk what to look for, any suggestions?

I mostly collect storybooks, but I want to narrow the theme to Berenstain Bears, peppa pig, and Franklin. Oh and Paddington! My interests that I heavily fixate on are holidays. Specifically Thanksgiving and Easter .

Someone linked this subreddit to me and after browsing it I decided I would drop a post but I wont hang around because you kiddos deserve your space, but I think it can be helpful to hear from someone older who has dealt with this their whole life.

I am going to start with it gets better! I found a partner that accepts me, got over my fears of expressing myself, and live my life my way on my terms and its good. I don’t try to suppress my feelings, I embrace them. I let myself be silly, be childish, and be loved.

I am 45 now, but I’ve had age dysphoria since I was too young to realistically even call it that.

Age dysphoria wasn’t a term when I was growing up. There was no agere communities, it was lonely and isolating.

It was a struggle my whole life. I was bullied mercilessly my entire childhood. I was trans and had ADHD, but I wouldn’t know that until I was an chrono-adult. ADHD kids back then didn’t “behave” like I did, they didn’t struggle the ways I did, so I went undiagnosed and dealt with it the best a little chrono-kid can. There were no such thing as Trans people to the world at large, I was just “weird” and “gay” to classmates. I had long hair, was smaller than all my classmates, and feminine which made me a target for every kid to beat on, my parents were indifferent and mostly ignored all of it and me most of the time. I sat alone, silently, waiting for whatever hate or violence would come my way.

I didn’t understand why no one liked me or cared what happened to me. With all that trauma I just kinda got stuck emotionally. I craved soft things, bright colors, and parents that cared.

I was still carrying plushies with me in high school, watching sesame street, and playing pretend with blocks when my classmates were out partying. This was the 90’s, and it was NOT a good time to be the obviously queer kid that refused to grow up. The bullying never got better. I became mean and full of shame. I was angry towards the world because that was how the world was to me, and I felt ashamed about everything I enjoyed and wanted. I would cry about it at night and rock myself asleep alone. I was miserable, and it made me a terrible person. I hoped I would grow out of it and grow up; at some point I would feel like an chrono-adult and things would click for me and I would progress.

They did not, and I did not.

I eventually went off to college in the city and, but unlike k-12 I made friends, friends that liked me for who I was. My anger got better, I became comfortable expressing my childishness, and I realized I could live as a girl. I stopped dressing for others and started expressing myself. I had friends that would engage with me on my level, just because they liked me! It was a completely different world and I realized I could embrace that part of myself. I built a chosen family that supported me. After I graduated I eventually met another person like me, and we got married.

So I never grew out of it or up. Instead I grew into it. I’m typing this from my play tent, in a cute dress surrounded by plushies while my wife makes me Mac ‘n cheese. I do the chrono-adult things I have to do, but I do it on my terms. I have a playroom, a bed with rails, and every toy I ever wanted. I don’t feel shame when I get cranky or have tantrums, or when I need snuggles or a story read to me. There is a place out there for people like us, and you can find it.

https://preview.redd.it/vi6q4t6adh9h1.jpg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e952b42b977b3629774bd68936143c3f94a79324