How do I deal with my Older Brother’s exploiting my Mom’s blatant favoritism?
Me and my older brother haven’t had a proper conversation in the last 6 years. It began mostly due to him being cruel to me during his “teenage angst” which resulted in bullying and ridicule about things like my height or not having friends during quarantine. As time passed his bullying and ridicule wasn’t so outwardly expressed anymore, but his superiority complex never faded. Any time he would talk to me it would either to get me in trouble or ask for something (which he would still somehow do in a rude manner). This led to me resenting him and avoiding any unnecessary interaction between us; any time we happen to be in the same room we don’t look at each other.
About a year ago my mother broke down as she was angry that we didn’t get along and acted like strangers and said that she just wanted us to be closer. This wasn’t the first time she said something about it but this time I decided to actually try and make a connection. But any time I would ask him a question I would get one word answers, just blatantly ignored, or a “leave me alone.” I really did try to foster a relationship with my brother but he honestly could’ve given fewer shits. His attitude towards me didn’t change, and I realized that the only thing that changed was the amount of things he was asking to borrow and I was saying yes to be a good brother but he was just taking advantage of the whole situation.
Any time I brought these issues up with my mom she would say “He’s putting an effort in, I can tell” or “You’ve had a bad attitude towards him also so I don’t blame him.” The “effort” she is seeing is only the single sentence answers I get from him in conversations I initiate. My mom has always done this but I’ve noticed it much more in the past year where she brings up arguments I’ve had or certain shortcomings in my behavior from months prior, using those as a way to undermine my strifes about my brothers behavior towards me when I try to talk about it with her.
An example being something last week: I’ve tried saying hi to my brother for the past 3 weeks and any time it’s only us in the room he ignores me so I decided to talk to my mom and ask her to talk to him about it. When I asked her to talk to him about it she says “why are you making such a big deal out of this” and then proceeds to bring up an issue from 5 months prior where when I was playing basketball outside my brother comes out to pack his golf clubs and as he’s doing it he says to me “Can you be quiet.” I tell him I can’t cuz I’m playing basketball and he repeatedly tells me “Be quiet” and “stop talking to me.” I then choose to stop to avoid any more issues but I get in trouble with my mom later who says I need to listen to him and not play. As a result I lost my car and phone for a week. I have no clue how I’m in the wrong in that situation when I’m outside first and all he’s doing is packing golf clubs, there’s no reason to need the quiet. Anyways, she brings this up and says that it was only a few weeks ago. I tell her no this was months prior and she won’t budge saying I’m being stubborn and always trying to make issues out of things.
My mom and her inability to see my older brother do any wrong has led to him using it as a way to get away with any behavior towards me and is a deterrent to me doing anything about it. I’m so frustrated because my mom blames me for not having a good relationship with my older brother but I’m the only one trying to do anything and he’s actively trying to not have a connection with me. This is mostly a rant but I also just need to talk about it it’s driving me insane. This issue might seem trivial but there’s plenty more that has happened. Please offer any advice or suggestions on how to approach this I would appreciate it greatly.