They’re back..
Hello friends.. I’m back to the community after quite a break, and under a new name/identity.. clearly bc I had convinced myself that I had the situation “ignored” enough that I could move on with my life in a somewhat “normal” fashion. (Whatever normal truly means) sadly THEY are back. Not just telepathically and inner dialogue confusion harassing me, (which I had taught myself to tune out fairly well) but I am hearing their banter out loud in my safe spaces and in homes that I have allowed them to genuinely question the existence of themselves. Places that I KNOW dang well there are no secret rooms in the attic or high tech basements with my secret tormentors sitting enjoying my crash outs. OR do I? That’s literally where I’m at right now mentally. FCKED. IM on the verge or pushing away everyone who loves me, ruining the life I’m building, yet again based off of my invisible insanity.. but at the same time I can’t help but feel this burning intuition that when my partner is making noises in their sleep that coordinates with what the voices are saying, or making comments that all just happen to fall into place far too well.. am I losing it? I’ve been living this life almost 3 years now and for some reason I am slipping... They are severely confusing me in their conversations and tricking me in timing/location of topics.
I KNOW NOT TO BELIEVE ANYTHING THEY SAY. I KNOW I HEY ARE ALL LIES.. BUT.. I need reminded of the manipulation they do to the loved ones around us. I need reminded that maybe my partner DOESN’T hear them and has no idea of the perfectly timed responses he’s making as they sht talk chatter all fckng night long. (After almost a year of out loud silence) There has been more than one conscious saying (my partner has said out loud) I can recall that was extremely coincidental with what was happening in my head/ears.. too much to be forgotten. I’m not sure why I’m even writing this and I’m not sure if I’ll even leave it up, but I need support and I need encouragement. I know a lot of the HORRID negative sht about this life and want REALISTIC experiences and answers of course..I’m really struggling. I’m about to download the dang discord again and start just reading and feeling everyone else’s pain bc I feel so alone again in this.. This is so unfair and I’m so mad that I won’t ever be able to fully trust another human being bc of this bullshit. I’m at the point where I say f it.
I DO trust my partner with my life. But what if the whole point of the torture, the programming, the silent periods , followed with telepathy bad talking, then back to “out loud” communication, all meanwhile physical horror happening, was just to confuse us between REAL noise? Like confuse us JUST ENOUGH that we cannot differentiate between someone really talking sht through the vents/fridge/fans/air conditioners or something talking shit inside our minds? Does that make sense?!
I’m lost. I thought I was good and super strong. I’m not. I’m failing.. not to mention I’ve got a lil dude in all of this and HE is saying weird stuff. Which I already know happens from talking to other TIs and reading stories.. but like I said, it’s been a minute.. I guess this is a “hey im losing my mind again, I need you guys and I’m back” in the most anonymous humble way possible.
K thanks