Found this sub and ended it when I probably would’ve came back
My partner got officially diagnosed with BPD a couple months ago, at the time I did a little of research, but didn’t think much of it. I was convinced here problem was just severe depression. Like I said I hadn’t been thinking much of the diagnosis, but we watched Girl, interrupted the other day, and one of the characters has BPD and was talking about it and my partner really connected with whatever the quote was, which reminded me of her diagnosis. Anyways a couple days ago the standard severe argument over some miscommunication and we’re broken up. This time though, I search BPD in relationships on Reddit and I find multiple posts describing BPD relationships. It scares me how accurate it was to the past 3 years of my life. I see how the never ending cycle works and I decide this time is it, I’m done. I text her a letter explaining why I want to break up and that I want minimal contact. She convinces me to stay the night and sleep on the couch so I don’t sleep in the car. I arrive and I’m met with I’m the problem I never cared about her or loved her but she did let me sleep, which I was super anxious about because multiple times in the past she has hit me, thrown water on me, etc., because “ I don’t deserve to sleep after I’ve hurt her”. This morning though she was extremely violent to me and was not letting me leave the apartment. Eventually I go on the patio because I assume she won’t hit me if people can see, and she calms down and lets me pack all my stuff, which I really didn’t even want to do in the first place. I get done packing and start putting stuff in the car and I come back inside and I see her swallowing several pills, which she has never done before. She has done self harm and threatened to commit suicide though. I go outside and I call 911 without her noticing and go inside and keep an eye on her. She is baker acted which is one her biggest fears, I think because she doesn’t want people knowing the depth of her mental health. I still feel super guilty about this but I am glad I did it because I have not done it in the past instead, just opting to stay together with her, and hoping that if I’m a better boyfriend, she’ll stop harming herself and me. Now I am super nervous because I myself am not a fan of baker acting either and I’m worries what’s gonna happen when she comes back and her immediate family and some friends know she tried to kill herself. She has actually said multiple times that being baker acted would be her last straw.
Side notes
It was validating that a lot of the problems I clocked about our relationship and her are symptoms of BPD. Now I know that the “signs that we were meant to be”, was just her taking arbitrary things about myself and putting me on a pedestal without her really getting to appreciate or even like who I am. Especially because she told me very early on in our relationship that she tried to commit sluice the night before our first date. She also rushed me into the relationship, which I was ok with at the time.
My personal relationships have also really suffered, and I’m grateful that I work a job where I interact coworkers extensively, and I’m convinced that has helped me retain my sense of self and reality.
Does the black white thinking bleed over into opinions on things? Because she didn’t like me correcting her or even us disagreeing on things that didn’t even have anything to do with our relationship.
How do BPD relationships work long distance because we were long distance for probably 1 1/2 years of the relationship and I think it made the relationship last longer than it should have
I didn’t feel the need to go in depth on our relationship because like I said, it almost indistinguishable from all the other post.
I also want to make it clear that I have not been the best partner all of our relationship and I have been admittedly checked out for a while.
And thank you all for sharing your personal experiences, I am almost positive I would’ve tried to make it work if it wasn’t for this subreddit. And sorry for the bad grammar and disorganization.