At a loss
I can't believe I am at a place where I am looking to the internet for support, but here I am.
My son is 13 years old and we only recently realized he is auDHD. I feel terrible for missing it for so long. He was a miserable baby with lots of allergies and often sick. He has always been hard on himself, and for years he would hit himself in the head when he was upset. He doesn't understand social cues, is extremely black and white about everything, obsessed with things being fair, and can dysregulate in embarrassing ways, which we always put down to being "tantrums."
We didn't put this together with autism because he is very good at things. Super smart, quickly picks things up, and naturally athletic. He was always able to fit in because he was good at everything and other people appreciated that.
Now that he is going through puberty, it is like a switch has flipped. He is suddenly dysregulating at inopportune times. Sports games have become a nightmare. Where he has always been so talented he now freaks out when he misses a catch in baseball, is back to hitting himself in the head when he pitches poorly, cries loudly when he gets out. It is intense. His teammates are making fun of him and he is noticing. He feels awful about himself at all times.
My husband thinks he should be benched unless he controls himself and should learn how to so he doesn't become "the weirdo." (My husband is a loving supportive Dad, who will stand up for his kids to anyone at anytime, and is likely also AuDHD, was similarly hard on himself, but does not understand that our son can't help it.)
My son feels like he has no friends, feels like he is "retarded," and that he is not good for anything. I feel so alone in trying to help him every second, and also feel like I am not helping at all. It is getting so hard.
Reading other parents' posts, I feel like I don't even have much to complain about in comparison - my son is verbal and freely gives out hugs and is well-adjusted in so many ways, but we are both hurting so badly and feeling so alone.