u/ChiChi_0902

I got made redundant six months ago by a company I was at for 11 years... It was a board decision to remove my whole department, fine. After 11 years of pushing myself to burnout and back, giving my all to this company, I was out on my ass with bare minimum notice period 'because they were struggling financially'.

Unsurprisingly, this was a huge blow to my self esteem. I did the whole 'What did I do wrong?' 'What could I have done more of?' self blaming depressed cycle, finally came out of it to jobhunt and get rejection after rejection after rejection.

Then, I finally got an offer after hundreds of no responses and rejections! Woohoo, even got a small raise out of it. Threw myself into the work, onboarded and started delivering in record time - just to now receive word that this whole department is being laid off. Again.

Back into the job hunting, soul sucking vaccum I go. Still kind of in disbelief. How are people supposed to support their families, mortgages, or even just have a life at this rate? Is it bad luck or is the economy completely beyond saving now?

Finally doing my first post because I'm so fed up. I'm (F30) married (M31) with two young kids, 17 months and 4 years old. I've been home with a broken leg that required surgery, so naturally a lot of the childcare and household duties have fallen to my husband. It's been about 8 weeks since the op, I've started walking more but am still limping heavily and cannot carry much weight.

However for context I have been working full-time, only took a week off to recovery so I could keep our income going (I'm the breadwinner and always have been, and he is on parental leave). It's exhausting and painful for me as well especially as I cosleep with our constantly waking 17month old. I KNOW how exhausting childcare can be - I did the first year with our firstborn at home, and with our second I did 9 months up until my injury prevented me from doing so.

I thought we were balanced in the way we both did what we could: I work a demanding job, long hours, cosleep and sacrifice my sleep quality / he does groceries, all the cooking, bathing, shipping to and from preschool but gets to sleep in my 4 year old's room with uninterrupted sleep. We have always had a cleaner - plus a nanny coming to help out for 2h twice a week ever since I got incapacitated.

Anyhow tonight I told my husband I was taking a shower after dinner since the kids were watching a movie, and I thought I would put a face mask on afterwards. It's been a while, I do it once every few months if not every half a year, and I didn't think much of it. It takes a minute to put it on after I dry my face.

I walk out into the living room with the face mask on, and he explodes. Says that a shower is a shower, not an opportunity to do a full spa. I ignore him and start tidying up ahead of bedtime. He walks past and makes a few more comments about what a luxury life I'm giving myself, and how he doesn't have to ever worry, since I'll always take great care of myself and put myself first in everything. At that I get irritated over the constant commenting, and tell him he's being passive aggressive.

He then starts slamming things down harder than usual, and leaves to take the trash out without a word.

Now my 17m old is screaming her lungs out because she thinks he is angry at her, and I have to calm her down. He comes back, still without a word to me, we do bedtime with the kids (one each) and when I come out of the bedroom, he is just watching TV pretending nothing has happened.

I ask him how he's feeling, and he says he's fine now. I asked him to apologize since all this came out of me doing a face mask - and I said I do not need your permission to do so - but it started this cloud of negativity that went on for the evening so I wanted him to see that this is not ok. He snaps that he reined it in for bedtime didn't he, and that he does so much at home, he does almost everything, starts generalising how I make comments too but can't come up with a single actual example. No apology, rather getting angrier and angrier as he says how he has no patience for this because of how much he does. I start crying, he starts snapping even more and says Oh boohoo look at you making yourself out to be a victim again, and making me out to be the abuser.

I walked away at that, and am now crying in the bathroom alone while he carries on watching TV and drinking his whiskey outside. It's not the first time he has exploded, nor will it be the last, as he has said he is entitled to explode when he feels angry.

Is this fair? Or am I being unfair? How do I cope with this? I am so tired of being told I don't do enough, and to have to tiptoe around wondering what is ok (is it okay if I scroll my phone while I elevate my broken leg on the sofa, is it okay if I shower while the kids are still awake, is it okay if I take a call from a friend if he's with the kids). Thoughts, comments, anything is welcome... sorry for the long post.