u/Chicago_Hick

Don't really even want to go too deep into details anonymously, but I feel like I gotta let it out somewhere. Don't even really know what I want out of this post. Guess it's better to get it out of my head without burdening my friends in real life. This is unpleasant and kind of sad. I am sure some of y'all had it worse too, so I don't mean to discount anyone else if I am being a bit dramatic with how bothersome this memory is.

I grew up in what I think was a pretty bad home. I'm 27 now, and doing much better. I no longer talk to either of my parents, and haven't in years, but every once in a while, something from my childhood that I had forgotten comes back up.

I opened up a cabinet in my apartment a few minutes ago, and a cup fell out on the countertop. The noise was just right that it instantly transported me back around 15 years. I don't remember what this was about anymore, I think I forgot to do a chore or something, but my dad was yelling at me. I was zoning out like I usually did in that situation, waiting for him to be done so I could leave. In the middle of his tirade, I got snapped back into the present, because he grabbed a plastic cup from the cupboard and threw it at my head. It was not glass, so it would not have genuinely physically injured me, but it set me off. He'd hit me before, but this felt extra demeaning, and instead of feeling afraid, I felt so, so angry. I picked up the cup and threw it back at his face, and it landed on the counter and made the exact same noise. Then I lunged at him. He shoved me off, and I went at him again. I think I actually wanted to hurt him a bit, but I was 12 and scrawny. My mom yelled at me to quit, so I did. I haven't thought of this in years. I think I had forgotten it.

I think this was the last time he got physical with me, and I don't think I've ever had a physical confrontation with anyone else since either. I'm a pretty peaceful and easygoing person now, but I think that was the last time I felt true unfiltered hatred. I genuinely wanted to hurt him. I still don't like the man, and we don't talk, but I would never let him close enough to matter enough to me to give him this much energy anymore. What a shameful, small man.

It's awful to think about, and I kind of would like to forget it again.

Don't really even want to go too deep into details anonymously, but I feel like I gotta let it out somewhere. Don't even really know what I want out of this post. Guess it's better to get it out of my head without burdening my friends in real life. This is unpleasant and kind of sad. I am sure some of y'all had it worse too, so I don't mean to discount anyone else if I am being a bit dramatic with how bothersome this memory is.

I grew up in what I think was a pretty bad home. I'm 27 now, and doing much better. I no longer talk to either of my parents, and haven't in years, but every once in a while, something from my childhood that I had forgotten comes back up.

I opened up a cabinet in my apartment a few minutes ago, and a cup fell out on the countertop. The noise was just right that it instantly transported me back around 15 years. I don't remember what this was about anymore, I think I forgot to do a chore or something, but my dad was yelling at me. I was zoning out like I usually did in that situation, waiting for him to be done so I could leave. In the middle of his tirade, I got snapped back into the present, because he grabbed a plastic cup from the cupboard and threw it at my head. It was not glass, so it would not have genuinely physically injured me, but it set me off. He'd hit me before, but this felt extra demeaning, and instead of feeling afraid, I felt so, so angry. I picked up the cup and threw it back at his face, and it landed on the counter and made the exact same noise. Then I lunged at him. He shoved me off, and I went at him again. I think I actually wanted to hurt him a bit, but I was 12 and scrawny. My mom yelled at me to quit, so I did. I haven't thought of this in years. I think I had forgotten it.

I think this was the last time he got physical with me, and I don't think I've ever had a physical confrontation with anyone else since either. I'm a pretty peaceful and easygoing person now, but I think that was the last time I felt true unfiltered hatred. I genuinely wanted to hurt him. I still don't like the man, and we don't talk, but I would never let him close enough to matter enough to me to give him this much energy anymore.

It's awful to think about, and I kind of would like to forget it again.

I am actually not here to defend this position or talk about how horrible they are or something. Basically, I am confessing that I know I am sort of in the wrong on this. It is hard when I know something I do is not right, but it's an emotional sentiment, not something I consciously choose to feel.

Sure, plenty of people from generational wealth can suck as people. But I should dislike them for sucking as people, not for the random chance of who they were born to. We don't choose who we were born to, or else I sure as hell would've chosen differently.

The truth is there are also people from generational wealth who are very decent people, many who even use the freedom and stability they were born into to do good things for the world, like Greta Thunberg. I wish I could just do whatever I want with my time, devoting myself to making the world a better place without slaving all the time out of my existential dread of becoming homeless. I could probably become a better person. Instead, I am facing the constant financial, cultural, social, and emotional labor that comes from escaping the generational suffering of a broken family line.

In the end, it's a roll of the dice. I have, through extreme hard work, managed to get out of my hometown, land in a modestly successful career, and save an emergency fund. But if I got laid off and burned through that money, I'd be back to living in my car.

Because of my career, I am around some nepo babies at work. Some of them are actually really nice, but the moment I hear one of them tell me about their school lacrosse team days or their trips to the lake house with their dad, I wanna call them a piece of shit and tell them how much I don't respect them. And they did nothing to me. They actually don't deserve that. A lack of suffering is not a crime. The crime is that I had to suffer. A better society wouldn't get rid of their life experience, it would get rid of mine. That's hard for me to sit with.

Just thought I'd let y'all know my experience.

I bought a new Jelly Star directly from them on eBay. It arrived with a defective battery, and quit powering on on the first day of ownership.

I have been in a multi-week argument with their "customer support," waiting 3-7 business days for every single response as they send me more busywork and waste my time asking for more information I've already answered in previous emails. I demanded a refund firmly, and they have finally acquiesced and given me rather unprofessional instructions to return the device (I am pretty sure they're gonna "lose" it when asked).

They openly told me they will refund the price of the phone itself, but no shipping fees, neither on the original purchase nor the return, when this incident is entirely their own failure to live up to their agreement to provide me a functional device. They have wasted a significant amount of my time, effort, and now they are taking money that isn't rightfully theirs either. I am wondering if they'll even refund the sales tax on the purchase.

At this point, while I will return the device, I fully expect to have to chargeback this company to actually get the refund. Will never purchase from them again.

The phone would've been fine if it worked, but the company's disrespect for their customers makes doing business with them not worth it, in my opinion.

Maybe this is something that's obvious to most people, but I admit that I've only picked this up over the past couple of years in my 20s. Maybe neurodivergence, maybe egotism, maybe selfishness on my part... Regardless, it has helped me to put this into action.

When I am talking to someone who goes into a subject I happen to know something about, I no longer jump to make it apparent what I know about the subject. Instead, I use my knowledge to ask them good questions, even if I technically know the answer. Getting people to put their knowledge into words is a great way to make some wonderful conversation and help them feel appreciated.

For example, I grew up playing bluegrass music. I recently met a guy who started talking about the evolution of the genre, from old-time folk music to early country and the like. This has always been part of my life, growing up in Appalachia, and I feel like a couple years ago, I would've seized control of the conversation because "it's my subject." I am not proud to admit that, but it's true. Instead, I asked him if he had thought about some musicians I imagined he had heard of, given his knowledge (Earl Scruggs, Jim and Jesse, Doc Watson, etc), and he obviously had, and it got us into some wonderful conversation about our shared appreciation of these musicians.

Most people just want to be heard, and sometimes, making other people feel heard before you reveal your knowledge will help them appreciate you more as you open up over time.

I grew up evangelical. My family was kind of just awful for a lot of reasons, but the extreme religiosity and prejudiced worldview didn't help.

I haven't visited my hometown or seen most of my family in years. I have a twin sister who thinks she knows me well, but she probably knows me less than anyone else in the family. She likes to craft theories of mind about people that are just completely detached from reality, but she does not extend this same structural curiosity about people's worldviews to herself. She is not self-critical. Must be nice.

She asked to meet up before going on a long-term "mission trip" this fall. One year ago, I agreed to do the same, and it was terrible. We have a sister who also got out, and she is a lesbian. I asked her how that relationship was, and she told me flatly "well, it's weird to me, but it's not as gross as homosexuality in men." I am a bi man. She does not know that, and it's clear she's never even entertained the possibility in her mind.

This time, I declined. I did not use accusatory language, but I told her I am uncomfortable with being close with someone who does not believe in the same civil rights for vulnerable people that I do - in the context I was speaking about, it was implied to be about immigrants and ICE. She had a meltdown of anger at me. She told me how hateful and dark my heart is, how I am miserable because I don't accept the light of Jesus, how I am intolerant of her valuable opinions... I told her she had some audacity to assert I feel the way I do out of hatred, and then she tried to walk it back, but she still spoke to me as if it was self-evident that my life must be miserable and lonely, because I am on the outside.

The thing is, it's not. I actually have a great life, which she asked no questions about. She invented a fake person and a fake life in her own head, assigned it to me, and thought she was arguing with that person from a position of charity, like it should be taken for granted that I am the worse person and she is the better one, and I should be grateful for her presence.

How interesting.

Title sounds like a current personal tragedy or freakout, but it's not. I am actually fine. I'm really just asking for ideas for things to do, like maybe an adventure you would do if you didn't have to worry about disappointing or worrying your family.

I'll spare the details, but I grew up in an abusive home and got out. I haven't been back in years, and while I do have 5 siblings, most of them are in a cult very far away, and the relationship is strained. I did maintain a group chat with them, but I think I have overstepped a line, and they view me as an outsider now too. They no longer reply to my messages, and I think I am not going to try anymore.

So I'm on my own. Luckily, I have managed to establish myself in a good career. I just paid off my student debt this month, so I don't have much savings, but I can save $1500-$2000 a month, starting now. I have no significant other, just a couple close friends. I rent an apartment in Chicago, and my only responsibilities currently are my job and my cat. My only transportation is my bike currently, but I do have a driver's license. I had to live in a car once, so I know how to do it.

I want an adventure. What would you do in my shoes, having no one, but otherwise being pretty healthy and happy? I'm thinking about trying to move abroad or hike the Appalachian trail or something.

Probably better questions for a therapist... I'll look into it tonight.

I grew up in rural North Carolina. My grandpa and uncle on my mom's side were both evangelical pastors, and my dad's family were conservative bandwagoners who left mainline protestantism for the moral majority and Reagan stuff. I grew up going to church multiple times a week, youth group, "mission trips," homeschool, creationism, all of it. I understand trying to build bridges with one person, but the insanity runs so deep in my family, I decided to cut my losses.

Despite how controlling and isolating from the real world my upbringing was, I was always suspicious of it all. Creationism never made sense to me, and I already didn't believe it by the time I was maybe 12. More and more pieces of what I believe was basically brainwashing fell apart over the years. By 20, I believed none of it. I worked extremely hard to get out of my hometown. I'm now 26, and I have a pretty good life around fellow progressives and queers in Chicago. I don't visit home anymore.

Beyond the controlling religious stuff, to be honest, my parents were extraordinarily self-centered, physically abusive, and deeply neglectful. They had 6 children and chose to homeschool, but they did not really have the patience or temperament for even one child. I do not have any memories of them ever asking us what was on our minds. As a result, I don't really feel like they've ever known me, so I didn't really feel I lost any parents when I left.

However, I do not feel this way about my siblings. I am the only son - 5 sisters. I wish I was close to them or had a kindred spirit, but I don't. Other than one, who is a whole other story, they mostly believe all the same things, married young, and didn't go far. However, I know what their upbringing was like, and so I feel sorry for them for what was done to them to make them like this. My childhood was already quite hard without sexism, and so I can imagine how much harder it would be suffering under such a profoundly sexist culture on top of everything else. That being said, I don't enjoy talking to them. They're not very curious or introspective.

I haven't spoken to my parents in several years. I do remain in a mostly inactive siblings group chat, and so I see messages from them maybe once or twice a week. I reply every once in a while. I now have a niece and a nephew I've never met. My siblings tell me to visit, even guilt me once in a while. It's never been put to words, but I can tell they are upset that I turned my back on my family. And to be honest, I completely understand their perspective.

But I feel like... What choice do I have? Spend thousands of dollars to visit them frequently so I can listen to their chud husbands parrot racist dogwhistles about black people in Chicago, and then act passive and whiny when I tell them to stop? Have them ask me about my "lifestyle," and ask me when I'm gonna stop being a prodigal son and forgive my parents for things they'll never be sorry for? Why does all the compromising on my values always fall to me, and why is it crazy for me to opt out altogether?

And yet, when push comes to shove, I am ashamed I don't know my own twin sister's kids. None of this is their fault. I hope they don't think their uncle hates them.

Sorry, long-winded rant. I bet a lot of y'all can relate. It's not an easy hand we have been dealt.

I'm embarrassed to tell anyone I know irl that it got this bad, so I'm celebrating quietly in my own mind and here with an anonymous unsolicited self-congratulatory post. I lost my job in a layoff at the end of 2024, and I was unemployed for 5 months. It was very bad for me, and I don't have family to fall back on. I went into debt to stay afloat and keep paying my rent. I got a new job, and I've worked really hard there. One year on, I just paid off my last credit card debt from this unemployment right now. I would probably call my parents if I had any. Instead, I'm stoned at home eating homemade curry, petting my cat and watching star trek. This isn't so bad either. Things turned out ok. I am happy

Your entire job as a parent is to know better. Your kids don't. Not only is this walking back any apology you could give and selfishly framing child abuse you inflicted in terms of your own personal journey instead of the child's, it shows that you fundamentally do not live up to the bare minimum responsibility you have as a parent, let alone an educator.

You have a responsibility to know better, or learn before you harm children. Homeschool parents view their children as property and not people.