I’ve been trying to imagine myself as the Buddha looking at myself during meditation and it’s helped a lot with feeling compassion for myself but I just wanted to make sure this isn’t a bad or disrespectful thing to do?
I don’t mean in the sense that can a person be Buddhist and still harm others but that can a person who has done evil come to Buddhism and try and do good and find peace.
I have an extreme case of OCD that relates to a fear of me doing evil. Like for example I get this deep fear sometimes that I’ll just kill like 60 people one day for no reason. (I know it doesn’t make sense but that’s how I feel) so I get this fear one day that I’ll do something so evil that I won’t deserve Buddhism since Buddhism has felt like a gift for me I love meditation I love the mantras and I love the Buddha but I feel like if he saw me I would be the one exception who he’d hate.
I really want to do good for others and help others but I just feel like it won’t last especially since I was quite an evil and abusive child.
I guess if I knew that no matter how bad a person is the can still find peace in Buddhism and that there were no exceptions then I would feel better I think.
Buzzcut picture was back in 2022 the last is this month. If so what can I do?
I ask this question mainly because I have extreme OCD and it causes me to get scared sometimes that one day I’ll do something heinous (for whatever reason idk) like mass murder. Deep down I know it’s a delusion I’ve don’t want to hurt people of course but I keep getting this fear. I don’t mind consequences if I did something bad it’s only fair but I keep getting scared that maybe my consequence will be losing Gods love. I love praying but now I’m filled with fear whenever I pray that I will lose it. So I guess if I knew that god loves awful people that would help me feel comfortable?