Help! I fell into a poly-outing trap with my parents. Can I still save this?
Bg: My partner is currently on vacation with his other partner to celebrate their anniversary.
I am poly-outed to everyone except to my very conservative parents because I am 100% sure that nothing good could come from that.
My mum had her birthday today and when I called her she invited me and my family (that is me, my partner, and our 3 young adult kids) to celebrate her birthday on the weekend. I told her the kids (who were all standing next to me coincidentally) would love to come but that partner wasn’t around and couldn’t join. She asked where partner is and I (stupidly) said he’s on vacation instead of just saying he’s busy or something. My mum got very weird and silent and asked where he’s on vacation. I told her where he is and changed the topic. So she didn’t ask with whom he is, but I’m 100% sure that that question will come up when we’re there on the weekend.
The kids of course overheard the awkward conversation. They know where dad is and with whom. I told them that the grandparents don’t know that we’re poly and I intended to keep it that way because they are so conservative that they wouldn’t understand and would probably only get worried and start behaving weirdly towards my partner.
So now I’m really scared about the weekend. I don’t want to out myself to my parents but I don’t want to make the kids lie to their grandparents or watch me lie to them. They aren’t really kids anymore, but young adults, but I still don’t want to set a bad example.
My parents are getting really old really quickly in the last years. I feel like there is really no point in trying to explain such a foreign concept to them and make them worried in their old days. We don’t have a close relationship. I moved out when I was 15 and we had no contact for years and only reconnected again via the kids as they turned out to be really loving grandparents. We see each other 2 to 3 times a year, even though we live close and we never talk about personal things, let alone feelings or world views. All we talk about is the kids and my siblings’ kids. That has worked really well in the past and so I also never imagined that the poly topic would ever come up or be an issue, because we anyway don’t talk about relationships or stuff like that.
I don’t really care what they think about me, but I also don’t wanna destroy the friendly and stable albeit distant relationship we have. I feel like I maybe shouldn’t let the conversation happen on the weekend with the kids there, but I should maybe call and explain beforehand. But I really don’t want to.
On top of all that partner and I are getting married in a month. It’s gonna be a tiny thing with just us and the kids and my parents. So this is gonna be very awkward if they find out beforehand. Such a bad timing.
I guess I’d like some pats on the back and if someone has them, some genius solutions to how I can save this chaotic situation I caused with one stupid sentence. I’ve considered playing sick, but that feels a bit excessive as well.