28M struggling with dating, loneliness and feeling like I'm looking for a needle in a haystack
I'm (28M) and honestly I've had pretty terrible luck with dating. Or maybe I'm bad at picking people. Or maybe being on the spectrum makes it harder for me to read people and understand red flags early. I don't really know anymore
I've had 4 serious relationships since I was 18.
The first one turned physically and verbally abusive after a while and she cheated on me multiple times. The 2nd relationship was basically me being used by someone to cheat on her boyfriend. The 3rd one was great or at least I thought it was. I genuinely thought we were going to get married but she cheated and left because she wanted to "explore herself" in university. My last relationship lasted the longest and was even LDR. We even got engaged but we eventually split because she couldn't come to terms with the fact that I'm not religious.
So now I'm trying to get back into dating after almost 10 years but it feels impossible.
I live in a remote village in Eastern Europe so dating apps are not exactly full of options. I work remotely in IT and around 90% of my colleagues are men, but it's not like I get to see the team often anyways. I don't really have close friends nearby anymore because most people I knew either moved away or went back to their home countries.
I think I'm decent looking. I'm average height, I work out 5-6 times a week and I'm a pretty active person. I like hiking, running, gym, surfing, traveling, cooking, board games and generally doing things that feel meaningful or adventurous.
But I guess I also filter quite hard for a specific type of woman. I'd love to meet someone active, curious, emotionally mature, financially stable, maybe someone who works remotely or has some flexibility and would actually want to go on adventures together. Hiking, traveling, staying in different places for a while, maybe working remotely from somewhere warm for a month. That kind of thing, but those last few things are optional.
But honestly, it has been really disheartening...
I'm introverted and anxious, so making friends while traveling alone is already hard but I do try to force myself as much as possible. I'm also not into partying, getting drunk, smoking, drugs or clubbing. I've been told I'm boring many times but my idea of fun is not getting wasted and passing out. It's going on a hike, cooking together, having coffee, playing board games, exploring a city, training, taking photos or just having a calm evening with someone I actually like.
Lately, I've been feeling really lonely. I know dating apps probably make this worse but I also don't really know what else to do. I don't meet many women organically where I live and when I travel alone, I often feel like everyone already has their own group, partner or life.
I don't think my standards are crazy. At the core, I just want someone who likes me for me, accepts me, respects me and wants to build something real. In return, I think I do have a lot to offer. I was raised in a village so I'm probably more traditional in some ways. I have a good job, I'm stable, I'm loyal, I can cook, clean, fix things, do pretty much anything IT-related and if I really had to, I could probably build a house with my bare hands. I'm not perfect, obviously, but I do try.
Sometimes I just lie in bed thinking that I'm looking for a needle in a haystack the size of an olympic swimming pool.
I'm not even sure whether I'm asking for advice or just ranting at this point. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you actually meet compatible people when you live somewhere remote, work from home, don't party and want a lifestyle that is a bit different from the usual routine?