AITA: autoimmune sufferer Mentoring my able bodied partner
I (27f) and D (37m) have been in a casual relationship of 2 years
D is very good at his job. It's foundational to my career so he’s helped me grow. He’s award winning, Ive worked for 10+ years, 5 were just training.
My career’s in shambles: the industry is sexist, ableist, expensive + poorly regulated. I had a really rough time getting going. D has seen this first hand. Im supposed to be opening my own business to suit my specific needs, and control my stress levels. I'm waiting on landlords for answers.
He's asked me to teach him my craft. I have sat with him, devoted time/resources into his learning. Ive explained that it can't really be a hobby. He dismisses this. D was planning on using my "office" to further his skills.
Yesterday I was on the way back from a hospital appointment, and it was not good news. I feel profoundly hideous, hair falling out, covered in painful zits. I immediately call D and we meet on the way home.
In person we don’t talk about my results. While I was at the hospital, he met a guy in my industry whose boss wants to talent scout him for the job that I was training him in just days before. Suddenly D needs a more reliable option for when he feels like playing dress up in my career. I am struggling to find a job in my field, after 10 years of being exploited, and working my ass into an early grave - D just walked into it and wants me to be happy for him. I say I'm in a bad mood, I am medically unwell. He keeps pushing. I say “it’s a d*ck move if you do it”
i was in the process of making us lunch when he calls me petty for feeling ownership over his skills, he doesn't owe me anything and "f-you if you feel that way"
So I walked past him, opened the door for him to leave. I didn't want to say something I regret, and I was furious. Stress is directly linked to my health conditions, so I explained that the way he was talking to me wasn't helping.
He wants to talk about it calmly like adults. I don’t want to be an Ahole, so I try to explain, whilst my brain is pounding and my words are coming out jumbled. "I care a lot about my field and I take it very seriously"
He made me a cup of tea.
D says he doesn't even really want the job, he wants to feel like he doesn't owe me anything. He’s comfortable in his line of work. I say I can’t teach him anymore either way. He was sad
He asked if he could take a nap with me(no?), then put on his favourite show, then wouldn’t let me fall asleep, ate lunch (he did clean up most of the mess, credit where due), commented on my zits, and how I'm losing a lot of hair. He was telling me what Im doing wrong and why Im not successful
He took a business call, so I listen to how comfortably set he is in his current career. He finally left, asking if I was mad - to which I said "I am tired, I don't know how I currently feel. See you soon"
with puppy dog eyes he said "will you see me soon?" I said yes/closed the door.