u/Choice-Health2267

oops

this is a problem but I DONT CARE

I just listened to the knack 2 main menu music for like the first time in 3 years, had to take a few minutes break, and am now in the mood to do something really stupid. Time to slam together a video and see if my relic-fueled fury lasts long enough for me to send it to my parents
my brain is stupid and I hate it and can keep it under control but

I think this might be the final straw

60% chance nothing comes from this but who cares, will say later

///////___ Now playing: The Mission (FF VIII)

the main point of this is right in the title, in two days, I will have my house to myself for the day (kinda), and was thinking of maybe using that to my advantage to procure a piece of clothing or two. the question is pros vs cons of going to the walmart or other store barely outside of my regular allowed range, or getting something off of amazon or another site. both have a few easily noticed large problems, but I could theoretically pull off either. Additionally, I could wait and just stick to my original plan of having my one relative have things delivered to her house while my family is there on vacation and have a kind of last (i hope) stand and come out. (tbh there is a good chance that even the final big plan wont happen due to my extreme shyness and ease of embarrassment (if those are the correct words)
anyways, slight rant but you get the idea.

So, i've been watching this place for a good while, and myself am a closeted femboy, but, life is annoying, so i guess this is more of just a hello, i exist, and a vent but idk

background info:

mid teens, kinda paranoid about being found, low confidence (?), shy and have only like 1 person i consider a friend,

through my thinking and "research", my family would likely not be very happy with me if i came out, but i have basically no options unless i do, and i am getting very tired of waiting now.

I do have a very basic plan, but its not much and i probably am not able to make myself go through with it; having the one person I have actually told this to get me things and maybe a bit of help, and then just surprise and show myself on my own terms, most likely using the fact that we will be going to said supportive relative's house soon-ish. The problem, is that one as i previously mentioned, there is basically no way i will be able to stand up for myself like that, and two said relative will not be there, mostly nullifying the idea of being on allied ground.

Sorry about the rant, just needed to let off some frustration and whatnot. Idk, I'm new to this whole posting about myself on the internet thing.