u/Choice-Stop9886

sorry for this post:( it’s not very well structured and I don’t even know what I rly wanted to say when I started writing..

I’ve just never really had anyone to turn to. My parents split up when I was a kid so I’ve only ever lived with one parent, who’s been quite neglectful and abusive towards me my entire life and theres always been quite a bit of family violence since I live with my parent’s parents as well and they’ve been abusive parents too. as I’m slowly heading into the late teens I just realise how much… support and love I’ve missed out on growing up and it’s just really hard.

I’ve grown up without an ounce of the emotional support I was meant to get. I’ve never really been completely okay but it’s been better recently since I simply avoid my family like the plague and grey-rock them, but it makes me uneasy how I’m completely aware that all it takes is one interaction with them to send me back into a spiral for days.

Apart from the physical and emotional abuse, is it alright for my family to never ask how I’m doing? I can’t remember them ever checking in at all with me. The only thing they *have* done is yell at me about how selfish I am because I never make sure that they’re okay and that they’ve eaten and slept enough, how I don’t give a shit about them.

Is it normal that I’ve always kind of had minimal contact with my family? I can’t even imagine ever going to my parent for anything at all. I don’t think it’s okay that I’ve never had anyone. The people that were supposed to love me have hurt me more than they’ve ever “been there for me“. Whatever the hell that’s even supposed to mean, I.. I wouldn’t know, would I?

I just want someone to care, anyone, yknow? Everything’s really difficult right now with exams and a million extra curriculars but I can’t get anything done. I‘ve always compulsively self isolated from my friends because I never feel like it’s alright for me to take up their time. I‘m not sure if it’s okay for me to want things, for me to ask a friend for a hug or if they could hang out with me a bit because I didn’t want to go home. It just always ends with me pulling myself away from anything good.

I’ve always been bad at reaching out but damn it I need someone to just be kind to me, I’m not okay and my ’family’ have done and said things to me that no one should have to go through and i’ll never fully recover from them. I don’t see how I’ll ever be able to truly be alive, even after I graduate and move out. I’m scared about how numb I’ve felt for the last however many years and I just want to be a kid.

I’m admittedly not doing amazingly after this but just wanted to share what happened to me here.

I’m 16 turning 17 in a few weeks and went to see a gp because once I turn 18 I would want to get top surgery because I am non-binary & transmasc. I am not out to most people and am fem presenting until I move out.

I was told upon arriving that the gp I requested wasn’t available for some reason, the receptionist asked if I was okay with seeing someone else so I ended up waiting an hour and a bit for the different gp.

The GP asked me what was wrong and I said that I was looking for a referral for a surgeon about top surgery, and had to explain that I was trans and wanted a double mastectomy.

The doctor said, and I quote. 'don't mind me but who put that idea into your head, that you need to become a boy?’ to which I said ‘oh haha well I’ve always known, anyways…’

then he said this. ’but you know when I look at you I see a.. a female. And I think you're a *very* attractive young woman, among 16, 17, 18 year olds at least. I just wanted you to know that, okay?’ and went on to state that he was sixty.

he said I would need psychiatric help so spent 5-10 minutes to find a clinic to refer me to although I was not asking for that at this stage. Then, after persistant requesting he referred me to a surgeon.

In the referrals, he wrote:

’[Name] is after becoming a male. And she is after counselling about bilateral mastectomy as a part of her plan for transgender.

Please for appropriat counselling and treatment for any related psychological issues.’ (the spelling and grammar is a part of it, I copied it word for word.)

he also said that ‘well yeah but you know after 5 years you could go ‘ah I wish I didn’t do that!’ and ’you’re not sad, are you? Youve only been replying with yesses and no’s.’

(he went on to say some other things too but I may have dissociated through it)

Anyways, if he is reading this, I didn’t say anything to you directly but under no circumstances should you, a 60 year old doctor, be telling a 16 year old that has just told you that they are transgender that you think they are an ‘attractive young woman’. I think that much is common sense.

and for anyone situated in Melbourne who may be reading this, perhaps think twice before going to Dr Yossry Hanna.