Controlling the Waves
Does anyone else get in their head and start feeling like if they just tried harder they could control their episodes? Like i think I was in a hypo episode for a couple months and I didn't realize it cause I thought I was just getting my shit together. And now that I'm out of it, I'm looking at my credit card debt and thinking like "if you had just tried harder, you could've stopped this" but like I didn't think I was in it and it's difficult now because I don't really regret any of the bigger purchases I made because even in an episode apparently my purchases still have a purpose 😅 but I do wish I could've done it differently.
I also wish that just living wasn't so fucking expensive. I really need a roommate or something but I have 3 cats and finding someone else who would be okay with that is likely going to be difficult I keep hoping my parents would find a house cause they're in between houses cause the seller backed out of selling the house they were going to buy. But even if they do find a house, I'm scared to ask them if I can move back in. Even if I know they would likely let me, it still feels like I'm failing at something. Idk I'm just tired of having to be a productive member of society and having no choice but to keep doing my shit 😵💫