u/Choice_Shake8774

I’ve been with my partner for 4 years and everything is great except for our sex life. My partner is hypersexual and I feel like I am basically asexual. A huge problem for me is i’m 28 but I don’t feel 28, I feel like a kid. I hope someone can relate because I have no idea how to properly explain this. I do have childhood trauma from elementary school to middle school and I feel stuck at that age. I don’t act like a kid but I feel like I definitely have the mindset of one. I watch Bluey, I play Fortnite, and my partner and I’s humor is based around talking to each other like we’re kids. My partner treats me very well, he looks after me and takes care of me. It reminds me of the safety I felt as a child allowing my parent to take care of all the “scary” parts of life for me. Unfortunately this is severely affecting my relationship because I have no desire for sex and i’m honestly disgusted by it. Sometimes when my partner comes onto me I feel weirded out, like i’m not supposed to be engaging in this type of behavior. I do not view myself as a proper adult and I definitely don’t view myself as sexy. My partner gets upset that I don’t try to initiate sex but I have no idea how to even begin to be sexy without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. I love my partner and I do find them attractive, but to be completely honest I view our relationship as something similar to two childhood best friends. I enjoy spending time with him, going on adventures, “playing” with him (joking around, etc.). We’re two best friends who just happen to kiss sometimes, tell each other we love one another, and share a bed. I really do feel like a child who lives with their best friend who also acts like a grown up taking care of me. I feel like I am trapped in my childhood and desperately holding onto that. I don’t know what this is or why I feel this way, I don’t know if it can simply be blamed on one of my many diagnosises (autism, ADHD, OCD, etc) but I need to fix it to save my relationship.