u/Christopher_Adamu

In 2018 I had a bit of a spiritual awakening. I had been drinking heavily, using drugs, working a job that was pretty boring and I had also been on some psychiatric medications, for depression and delusions. I started medications in 2016 after a severe concussion messed me up mentally and they told me it would help with the depression and so called delusional thinking. I stopped the antipsychotic meds after a few months and then stopped the antidepressant later. So basically I made a bunch of changes in my life in 2018 and that included looking into spirituality and religion more, and also changing my diet to be more conscious and vegetarian. My energy shifted, my mood improved, I had new ideas like wanting to get a motorcycle, travel, join the military.

I decided to quit my job and go to Ireland for a trip. I bought a ticket and put in my notice at work. My parents had become "concerned" at this point. They said I was having mental health symptoms and I disagreed. One thing that I noticed was that the energy felt odd and hard to be around in my house. I would find it hard to sleep. They indicated that that was a symptom but really I think it was just that there was something off about our relationship and the energy they were bringing which threw me off and made it harder for me to stay grounded in my spiritual awakening.

So I'm about to take the trip to Ireland and my parents say, "hey we want a professional to check you out before you go to give us peace of mind." They said they set up an appointment and I agreed to go. I signed in for the appointment and it turned out to be at the ER so basically, they tricked me into signing myself into the ER. I was then forced to take meds. My parents stole my passport and I missed my trip. Then I have had "mental health" difficulties ever since. However I really think these are spiritual health issues and that my family is draining me, and manipulating me intentionally.

One of my "mental health" issues is paranoia, and I end up suspecting that I was abused by them and that spiritually they are affecting me. They are so manipulative and two-faced that it's driving me kind of crazy trying to figure out if I'm paranoid or if they actually are the way I feel intuitively about them when I go off the medications.

I have become very knowledgeable in energy pathways, chakras and I have pretty good awareness of how things can throw me off center. The weird thing is that my parents both never talk about these things and have never discussed it with me, but they seem to believe in it too. They've said things that indicate they actually believe in it and aren't letting on.

So basically my feeling is that I may have been abused when I was young and repressed the memory. When I go off meds and raise my awareness I notice how bad they make me feel and I get irritated and agitated being around them, which makes me stressed and essentially causes mental health symptoms which I then get told I am responsible for.

They seem to be trying to control me and how my energy flows essentially through using power dynamics and manipulative tactics as well as possibly using trauma from abuse to keep me from getting free of them and separating my energy from them and their family. We are descended from nobility, and no one talks about it, but it's what conspiracy theorists call a bloodline family and so there's some cultish behavior and odd things going on with that.

I'm trying to figure out how to move forward and I have really two options leaving and risking homelessness or staying and live with people who make me feel awful and disconnected from myself. And then add on the fact that I have the mental health diagnosis further complicates things, because I lost all credibility and I can't even really trust myself even though I know there's something weird going on.

This is more of a question related to yoga I believe but I think Ayurveda may cover it. So in Vedic teachings there are three nadis or energy pathways along the spine, two of them are connected to each hemisphere of the brain and each nostril for breath work. The left nostril is associated with the moon and the right brain, the right nostril is associated with the sun and the left brain. Usually breathing through the left nostril is associated with the cooling and restfulness of the moon, while the right side is associated with the sun and activity. I noticed that mine are reversed. My left nostril is more open when I am awake and active and my right is more open when I want to fall asleep. I am neurodivergent and bipolar. I thought that perhaps my nadis were reversed or different, perhaps because I am right brained. Most people are not conscious of their breath in this way and many do not have this issue, but I wonder if there are others out there who are similarly oriented and feel abnormal because they are essentially living on the wrong schedule. I was wondering if anyone with knowledge about the Nadis could comment whether they have heard of them being reversed like that and what that may indicate for being right brained vs left brained and even how that could impact sleep and wake cycles. I'd like to learn more on this topic, but this idea is not really something I've heard of in my study of Ayurveda, it is moreso something that I have observed and experienced in my own life.

Is anyone here knowledgeable about how breathing relates to the nadis? In alternate nostril breathing each nostril represents an energy pathway.

I've been noticing that I feel more awake when my left nostril is open. I only really breathe through one at a time. It's strange though because it seems like mine are reversed of the typical configuration as cited in the Vedic studies.

For me, I seem to breathe better through the right nostril when I am sleeping. At night though it feels weird to do this. I get insomnia and irritability trying to fall asleep. At night, I feel better awake and breathing through my left nostril and during the day I am more tired and want to sleep. It's like mine are different than other people's. I feel like I'm more naturally a night person. Nocturnal even. I suspect that energy pathways are different for different people and as someone who is neurodivergent I suspect that there are many like me out there who are essentially forced to live on the opposite schedule. Basically I need to take meds to function on a normal schedule.

My theory is that some people are more active under the moon and are more energized at night. The left nostril is the lunar pathway so in traditional Ayurveda it is seen as restful, but for someone who is active at night it would be the opposite. I am purely going off of my own study and experience, but I notice the difference extremely for myself when I breathe differently. I feel more comfortable breathing the way I said before, and when I breathe through my right nostril at night, I feel weird and don't even get good sleep if I try.

My parents tricked me into going to the ER in 2018 for an evaluation. They told me they had set up an appointment for someone to see me before my trip to Ireland. When I went to the appointment they had already told them false information and wouldn't let me leave. This was the start of my mental health journey. The drugs damaged me and each time I went off it seemed that things would get worse. When I was first hospitalized I was very spiritual and good natured. I only went to the initial appointment because I felt that it was going to help give my parents peace of mind before my trip and I didn't know I could be held there involuntarily.

My parents like to act supportive and pretend like they are being helpful when really they damaged me most of all. Anytime I go off meds they act strange and aggressive. They just kicked me out for going off my meds and I have no money and no place to stay. It seems so unfair but I know that they'll get what they deserve someday. Not from me though, I'm cutting ties and moving on from them and the mental health industry that they tried so hard to make me a victim of.

If you're feeling scattered and like the spiritual journey has you questioning your identity and place in the Universe, slow down and go back to your roots. Our ability to interface with reality is through being grounded and having a healthy root chakra is important for that. Some people get spiritual psychosis and toxic empathy when they are ungrounded. They go beyond the limits of themselves and live in the upper chakras. For empaths, there is often a lack of firm boundaries and identity. Essentially they feel others energy because they're feeling other people's identities instead of focusing on their own.

Now the helpful part, and this has worked for me. Embrace being self centered. It doesn't mean you have to act in a rude way, just pour energy into your own vessel, and mind your business and energy more. In conversations, keep yourself grounded. Work to resolve the root chakra issues that may be preventing you from interfacing with reality effectively. Bring your energy down out of the third eye and into your body. Take ownership of your energy and how it flows in your body. I've found that this makes me feel more confident and less worried. I've noticed that I can feel the energy of overthinking and anxiety in my body and it has a profound ungrounding effect. Getting grounded and recognizing how it feels to be in my body has been very helpful and I'd recommend that anyone interested in Spirituality first lay the groundwork through figuring out grounding practices before they try to work extensively with the upper chakras. You can get lost up there if you don't have that grounding.