u/Chromepunk19

I’ve seen and heard so many stories of people born with life changing disabilities, terrible childhoods, extreme loss, survivors of murderers, acid attack victims and so on. They have such tragic stories and live with the hell that life dealt them, yet somehow many of these people are SUPER positive, generally happy and amazing people.

I am lucky to be have no disabilities, my worse childhood trauma is a mentally abusive mother. I live and was born in a safe, good country. Yet i am so fucking depressed to the point of constant suicidal ideation. I was born privileged but all i turned out to be was a waste of air. I complain about how i and others ruined my life but i know that others much worse off would give everything they have left to live in my shoes. Even my doctor who i would talk to about my mental health said that i am wasting my lucky and privileged life being depressed. But that only makes me feel worse. I wish i could find the positivity and motivation that people worse off manage to conjure up. I don’t know how they do it. I have a certain guilt i can’t shake because of this. I just feel wasteful even though my depression is fair in its own way and can’t be helped.

Been dealing with severe depression and anxiety since i was 14. My mental health gets in the way of everything, most importantly finding a career interest, getting a job, relationships, booking appointments. I live alone at my dads in the country in South Australia (he works out of state) so im home alone most of the time. I’ve relied on him all my life and can’t shake that over reliance. Financially im almost screwed, i’ve been buying my groceries with old gift cards and only have about $150 in my bank account. I lost my first job last year and after that i don’t want to work again or deal with people in general. I would rather die than work for the rest of my life and honestly thats what i plan on doing. I can’t live with my dad forever, so i will be homeless probably in a few years or more if im lucky. My guilt and over-reliance of my dad supporting me makes me not want to seek help, especially for therapy and medication because it costs money with little benefit. I have tried basically everything except for ECT and i never change. If i could move out back to the city for public resources that are more affordable i would but have no one i could go to. I was considering jobseeker or DSP but that just makes me feel even more like a parasite and waste of air. I just do nothing in my room everyday, hearing bad news about the world and I’m miserable. I used to have dreams about being a musician or something but can’t follow them because i have to deal with the struggles of being an adult, learning how to do everything myself and with my mental health its just too much. I don’t know how other people my age make it out of this phase, i seem to be stuck in it like something is wrong with me. I don’t know what to do. I fear i have no options